I am sitting in my room, lighted the scented kindle, prepared my herbal sleep tea, put on  calming sleep music in my earbuds, becasue I really needed a break, and then I started writing. 

I am exhausted as I just got back from the skating rink, kids and I, all drained, ready for a good night's sleep. They wanted to catch up on their favorite show, but I requested them to get to bed on their own. I needed some alone time. That's why I'm here, on my blog, voicing out my thoughts/feelings. 

My 11-year-old boy is changing. I see it every day, in little ways, and it's hard. Is this pre-teen? Teen? I dont  know! I'm treading through uncharted waters, alone. 
Sometimes I wish I could talk to someone who gets it, this is one of the challenges of being a single mother that I couldn't overcome. 

There are times when I want to let it all out, but I can't. I can't be painting my son in a bad light, not to my mother or sister. Sure, his change in behavior, the rebellion, the disapproval, is probably normal, probably to be expected. But it hurts. I put in so much - love, time, energy -, and he is indeed a sweet lovely boy, but when I get hints of anger, or dislike- it's heartbreaking. 

This is where I'm left in a conundrum. If this is normal, then so be it. If not, all I have is Allah to guide me. I need to reflect on my parenting. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I'm the nagging mom who can't stop advising. He doesn't like my guidance, maybe he's right. I wouldn't want my mom always advising me either.

But there's a layer of respect, appreciation, that should stop one from talking back to their parents. 
Why do my kids feel they can argue with me, like we're equals? 

I hate having these conflicting feelings. But that's why I'm here - to let it all out. maybe someone who's going through something similar, can find some comfort in reading about my experiences.

It is a journey, right!