Grief is a completely new thing for me.

I've been sad before, but to have lost something so meaningful is virgin territory for me.

Today is the first day since Socks passed, that I've felt a little bit kinda-normal. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy but I can look at her photo and feel warmth.

I can hear her purr and smile.

There are moments of course, Shoesy is now sleeping one her side of the bed. Shoes is named Shoes because his colours and markings are so similar to Socks. 

So to see a little grey cat curled up in Sock's corner of the bed, yeah, that took the wind out of my sails for a beat.

My company has been kinda quiet about the whole affair. They're nice folks but I'm surprised at their lack of compassion. They've not been mean or derogatory, but they've not said anything either. No outreach, no "you ok" etc.

When it comes to our cats, we're that weird cat obsessed family. We talk about them like they're our kids. We schedule our WFH days to make sure there's always a human here for them. We haven't even travelled as a family, because we won't put them in a cat hostel. We're here to love them, not traumatise them. 

So the non-reaction from work kinda took me by surprise. They know how much these little things mean to me. Losing one is naturally devastating. And a part of me is trying to have folks, other than the 4 of us, acknowledge that Socks mattered.

And given my total despair, she mattered a lot.