Proverbs 25 is chock-full of examples of what self-control does and doesn't look like. As the last verse in this chapter, Proverbs 25:28 gives the final word on the topic:
Proverbs 25:28
Proverbs 25:28
A man without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls.
With this verse in mind, I want to walk through three questions:
- What is self-control?
- What’s at stake without it?
- Where do you get it?
What is self-control?
Words that can be used to define Biblical self-control include temperance, constraint, and moderation. At its foundation, self-control is governing oneself. But this isn’t just limited to saying no. It also includes saying yes.
With self-control, we're saying no to sin and yes to righteousness. We're saying no to passive inaction and yes to active intention. We're saying no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit.
To be clear, fleshly passions and desires are not limited to lust or sensuality, but also include laziness, anger, dissension, envy, impatience, selfishness, and the list goes on. Exercising self-control in order to reject these sinful vices and others like them is hard work. That hard work only continues as the opposites of these vices, godly virtues, are accepted. In fact, it's my experience that exercising self-control to live out godly virtues is yet harder work than putting to death sinful vices.
Here, it would be helpful if I gave a few examples of rejecting the vice and accepting the virtue. I'm sure others come to mind.
With self-control, we're saying no to sin and yes to righteousness. We're saying no to passive inaction and yes to active intention. We're saying no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit.
To be clear, fleshly passions and desires are not limited to lust or sensuality, but also include laziness, anger, dissension, envy, impatience, selfishness, and the list goes on. Exercising self-control in order to reject these sinful vices and others like them is hard work. That hard work only continues as the opposites of these vices, godly virtues, are accepted. In fact, it's my experience that exercising self-control to live out godly virtues is yet harder work than putting to death sinful vices.
Here, it would be helpful if I gave a few examples of rejecting the vice and accepting the virtue. I'm sure others come to mind.
- Restrain yourself from joining “the guys” in crude joking. Instead, step up as a witness for Christ.
- Resist the urge to cut corners in your work. Rather, complete every aspect fully and to the best of your abilities.
- Refuse to skip out on your marriage. Instead, invest the extra time it takes to husband your wife well and live with her in an understanding way. That means you share with her, listen to her, and care for her.
It's plain. Self-control is good, old-fashioned, hard work.
What’s at stake without it?
Proverbs 25:28 says that without self-control, we're like a city broken into and left without walls.
We need to be careful so that this isn’t lost on us. Our cities don’t have walls. In America, the threat of invasion to our cities is not a daily reality. But in the context this was written in, that threat was real, and the walls of the city promised safety and security for its people.
To better illustrate this, read the first few verses of Nehemiah:
Nehemiah 1:1-4
We need to be careful so that this isn’t lost on us. Our cities don’t have walls. In America, the threat of invasion to our cities is not a daily reality. But in the context this was written in, that threat was real, and the walls of the city promised safety and security for its people.
To better illustrate this, read the first few verses of Nehemiah:
Nehemiah 1:1-4
[1] The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah.
Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, [2] that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. [3] And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.”
[4] As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven.
This is the very beginning of the book, and it frames everything that comes after. Nehemiah will soon set out on a monumental building project that is blessed and guarded by God that will expend his strength and effort, but only after he receives this news: the wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire. Upon hearing this, Nehemiah is deeply grieved. He is hit with the full weight of this means for his people—it's disaster. And it will continue to mean disaster until the walls and gates are rebuilt.
These are high stakes, and Proverbs 25:28 applies them to us. Without self-control, we're not only defenseless, we've already lost. We've already been broken into, plundered, and left without protection from the next attack. In the days of ancient Israel, they knew too well the danger, the risks, and the harm of leaving themselves unprotected. Yet today, with our cities free of the need for the protection walls provide, we make the costly mistake of living free of protection for ourselves and our souls. When it comes to self-control, we either live as though our hearts need no protection or we dismiss it with later or tomorrow. In error, we think that this or that moment without self-control is inconsequential. It's not.
Where do you get it?
However, we dare not think that self-control comes from ourselves. Humanly thinking, this is counter-intuitive. Shouldn't self-control come from the self? But self-control isn’t something we muscle up and power through. That will only lead to failure or burnout. Self-control doesn’t come from our own strength.
Galatians 5:22-24 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. It doesn’t come from ourselves, it comes from the Lord. It is a fruit that comes from abiding in Christ, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:4-5).
Jesus was the only man who was ever perfect in self-control. He was perfect in self-control when He was tempted in the wilderness. He was perfect in self-control when He sought out quiet places to pray to His Father. He was perfect in self-control when He faced the suffering of the cross and endured it until the work was finished. He had mastery of self-control, and He used it to live and die on our behalf. Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing (See Romans 8:1-17).
Galatians 5:22-24 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires."
Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. It doesn’t come from ourselves, it comes from the Lord. It is a fruit that comes from abiding in Christ, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:4-5).
Jesus was the only man who was ever perfect in self-control. He was perfect in self-control when He was tempted in the wilderness. He was perfect in self-control when He sought out quiet places to pray to His Father. He was perfect in self-control when He faced the suffering of the cross and endured it until the work was finished. He had mastery of self-control, and He used it to live and die on our behalf. Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing (See Romans 8:1-17).
Oh, what hope we have in Jesus! Abide in Him, and abide in Him deeply. Then, and only then, seek to grow that good fruit of the Holy Spirit: self-control. With it, let’s build up our walls—for within them, there is freedom from fear and shame as we say no to our flesh and yes to the Spirit.
Doxological Extras
1) Self-control in Proverbs 25:28:
- Do not seek to glorify yourself in noble company (Proverbs 25:6-7)
- Engage in crucial conversations with your neighbor (Proverbs 25:8-10)
- Speak fit words and reprove wisely (Proverbs 25:11-12)
- Exercise patience and soft speech in persuasion (Proverbs 25:15)
- Portion how much honey you eat Proverbs 25:16)
- Limit your visits to your neighbor's home (Proverbs 25:17)
- Refuse to bear false witness (Proverbs 25:18)
- Care for your enemy (Proverbs 25:21-22)
- Stand firm against the wicked (Proverbs 25:26)
- Do not seek your own glory (Proverbs 25:27)
2) One small but significant sphere of self-control is our speech. James has two excellent illustrations—one equestrian and one nautical—worth including on this topic:
James 3:2-4
[2] For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. [3] If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. [4] Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.
As shown in these verses, the tongue is a good place, maybe even the most important place, to practice self-control.
3) Romans 8:1-17
[1] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. [2] For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. [3] For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, [4] in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. [5] For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. [6] For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. [7] For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. [8] Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
[9] You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. [10] But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. [11] If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.
[12] So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. [13] For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. [14] For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. [15] For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” [16] The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, [17] and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.