Dean Clough

October 30, 2023

Portico Darwin: Mike Johnson Says "Boo!"


 <3 Minute Read

Happy Monday. 

Well, yippee, we have a new Speaker of the House of Representatives!  Rep. Mike Johnson, from Louisiana!  I think he's an asshole!

But please judge for yourself - here are some facts regarding Mike Johnson. 

And when you're finished, perhaps you can tell me again who wants to "destroy our great country?"

The Republicans in the House chose for Speaker not just one of the 100+ traitors who refused to certify Biden's victory, but the m-f'ing ring leader.  This was leading up to but also AFTER the January 6th insurrection.

I believe by definition that disqualifies him.  Frankly, I think he should be jailed; he did, after all, encourage the overturning of a free and fair Presidential election(!).

On the bright side, at least he wants to cut taxes, and he's against clean energy!

Here are quotes from Johnson's own writings on the subject.

  • He called homosexuality an “inherently unnatural” and “dangerous lifestyle” that would lead to legalized pedophilia and possibly even destroy “the entire democratic system.”  

  •  “Society cannot give its stamp of approval to such a dangerous lifestyle.  If we change marriage for this tiny, modern minority, we will have to do it for every deviant group.  There will be no legal basis to deny a bisexual the right to marry a partner of each sex, or a person to marry his pet.”

  • "Your race, creed, and sex are what you are, while homosexuality and cross-dressing are things you do,” he wrote.  “This is a free country, but we don’t give special protections for every person’s bizarre choices.”

Special protections?  For bizarre choices?  

Do you mean like how crazy-town religious organizations aren't taxed?

But I digress.

Rep. Johnson is a Christian; boy, is he.  Which is more than fine, but I do think he missed "Separation of Church and State" day in high school.  

  • He brought his Bible to the rostrum before taking the oath of office (as Speaker).  “The Bible is very clear that God is the one that raises up those in authority,” he said.

  • “Someone asked me today in the media, ‘People are curious, what does Mike Johnson think about any issue?’”  Johnson said Thursday in a Fox News interview.  “I said, ’Well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it.  That’s my worldview.’”

To Mike, and to those who may have also forgotten, a news flash:  America is a secular nation.  It says so right in our Constitution.  End of story.

People of good faith on both sides of the abortion issue can and should agree on the fact that no woman wants an abortion.  Yet, here's big Mike, likening those in favor of abortion rights to Hitler and abortions themselves to The Holocaust.  This is from CBS News:
In the opinion piece published by the Shreveport Times, Johnson wrote, "The prevailing judicial philosophy is no different than Hitler's.  Because the life of an unborn child may be difficult or inconvenient or even costly to society now means it can be terminated." 

He continued, "This disregard for life has been fostered by the courts.  During business hours today, 4,500 innocent American children will be killed.  It is a holocaust that has been repeated every day, since 1973's Roe v. Wade."

Note to Mike Johnson:  women having dominion over their bodies is nothing like The Holocaust.

In a shocker to absolutely nobody, Mike Johnson is sure America doesn't have too many guns.  These gems all came after our latest - yawn - mass shooting in Lewiston, ME:

  • "The problem is the human heart, not guns."

  • Johnson argued that it was inappropriate to discuss gun control "in the middle of the crisis," and that he believes, "it's not the weapon, it's the underlying problem."  (Note to Mike:  Europe, Australia, and Japan have crazy people, too!)

  • In an interview with the journalistic treasure Sean Hannity, Johnson said "New gun control steps wouldn't be effective."

  • He wasn't done - Johnson added that in Europe, where guns are less accessible, people intent on mass slaughter use cars to "mow down" people.

No, the problem is definitely not the assault weapons.  Nope.  Not at all.  If we outlawed them, they'd just use cars.

I find this all very frightening.
Mike Johnson's neanderthal beliefs and the fact he is Speaker of The House, not these cool decorations that we saw over the weekend in SF's swank St. Francis Wood neighborhood.

Have a great Halloween and an even better week.


Thank you for reading this newsletter.  


Featuring a raucous cover of the Halloween fave "Frankenstein" and so much more (it's over 3.5 hours in length!), here are Phish and their complete (and legendary) New Year's Eve show from Madison Square Garden on December 31, 1995.

I am not a giant Phish fan, but I will say that the production on this live recording is amongst the best I've personally heard.  

And boy, can they jam.

About Dean Clough

Plans To Enjoy Life.