Dean Clough

March 10, 2023

Portico Darwin: Seamus Colonnity Meets a US Congressman!


5 Minute Read
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Specifically, Representative Wesley Hunt (R) of Texas.  And OK, it was me that met him.  He was a guest of Dr. Shelly Murphy in her suite at NRG Stadium this past Sunday night at the Rodeo, and is one of 9 congressional representatives from Harris County, in which Houston is located.  He is also the only Republican of the 9 representatives elected - the others are Democrats.  Houston, like nearly all larger urban areas, leans strongly Democratic.

For your weekend, here's a fairly long post recounting the experience I had with this "leader", but from the perspective of Seamus Colonnity.  For those new or new-ish to reading this blog, here is an explanation of who he is, from an earlier post of mine.
Seamus Colonnity is an occasional visitor here, borrowed from Christopher Buckley's hysterical "Make Russia Great Again:  A Novel".  Imagine a less intellectual Sean Hannity, and you're getting close.  If you need a visual image of the mighty Seamus, here is a good start.  Consider him my alter-ego.
Here is the proudly ultra-MAGA Seamus Colonnity, talking about the thrill of meeting the Trump-endorsed Rep. Hunt at Sunday's rodeo, and then watching him chat with yours truly.  My interactions with Hunt as recounted by the fictional Colonnity are completely true.

Boy o' boy was it great to be at Rodeo!  I hope you enjoy my li'l ol' summary and there are even a few photos of my big day. 

Let me start out by saying it felt so good to be among real Americans!  None of that woke bullshit there:  it's God, guns and country.  And livestock from farms!  Thank the lord for our farms - they know how to make bacon with zero government handouts.  Look at this!

LOL that makes me think of all of that Democrat Party pork barrel spending!  Us Republicans believe in fiscal responsibility, darn it - keep cutting taxes on the makers, and all is good.  And let me tell you, it's only gonna get better:  thank GOD we've got Kevin McCarthy and George Santos and Matt Gaetz and Paul Gosar and Scott Perry and Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Jim Jordan in there to figure things out!

Anyhow, I arrived at the suite of my pal Dr. Shelly Murphy shortly before Grand Entry.  It wasn't too crowded yet, so I made my way right to the bar - hey, the drinks are free, right?  I asked the bartender (who was colored black but still somewhat attentive) for my favorite drink, Glenlivet Single Malt Scotch and Dr. Pepper, with one ice cube.  I almost spit my drink out when I noticed the bartender's nametag read "Freeman" - jeez, can't they just let this slavery stuff go?  Oh well, at least Shelly had Glenlivet and Dr. Pepper!

Next, I enjoyed the spectacle of Grand Entry, when the Rodeo's executives and other invited guests parade into the stadium on horseback and in carriages.  That was followed by an invocation by the Christian pastor - so great to see 80,000 bowing in honor of our Lord Jesus.  It was right then and there when I first saw this a-hole Portico Darwin:  he didn't bow his head!  More on him in a minute - sadly, he features prominently in this story.

But let's start with the fun stuff - the rodeo!  And ride 'em cowboy!  There's just nothing like seeing a real red-blooded American man taming a bucking bronco - wow!  To see the cowboys' heads so violently whip back and forth, or get trampled by a one ton bull, and then be just fine - well, let's just say it's gotta be because Jesus has a plan for them.   

And I love the calf roping - wow, do they throw those dumbshit calves to the ground!  Take that, you PETA sissies!  But the best is when they strap children under 10 onto the backs of sheep and turn 'em loose!  Mutton Bustin'!  Never knew it was a thing, but I am sure glad it is - there's nothing like a child riding a defenseless and terrified animal to build character.
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What happened next made me glad to be a paid influencer for Depend undergarments - because things got so exciting, I was happy to be sporting these bad boys when I wet my Dockers.  You'll be, too - give 'em a try!  Use discount code "Colonnity" and you'll get 10% off your next order at!

Because you want to be ready when you meet a living, breathing US Congressman!  I met him, and OMG what a great American.  He's black, went to West Point, and flew Apache helicopter gunships in Operation Iraqi Freedom - Mission Accomplished MF's and take that Saddam!!!!!  And they say Republicans don't like the blacks!

And then when I looked at his website later, it just confirmed what I thought that night - no wonder President Trump endorsed him.  (Editor's Note:  yeah, he received "Endoresments" - see the typo below.)
It's people like Wesley that will save us from the radical far left.  Look at these issues he cares about:

Damn straight!  I especially love how there's no detail or policy proposals behind any of these - keep that evil AOC and her puppetmaster Nancy Pelosi guessing, I say.

But then it all went south, big time, and it was the fault of that Portico Darwin person I mentioned earlier.  What the fuck kind of name is that in the first place?  Probably Jewish, which is why he wouldn't bow his head!  Yet, the minute Rep. Hunt came in and introduced himself, Darwin was all over him.

"Wow, what an honor," he said to Hunt, clearly trying to fool him with sincerity.

"The pleasure's all mine - where are you from and what's your connection here?"  Hunt is smart - why waste time talking with anyone that's not a constituent or potential donor?  This is when I heard something that made me hate this Darwin character even more.

"San Francisco", this loudmouth said.  Bingo - a Jewish atheist from San Francisco - that explains it all.  Heck, I am glad my kids aren't here - he's probably a groomer!  And do people still live in San Francisco?

It was here that Rep. Hunt must have misheard this Darwin fool - I heard him say "Thank God you got out of that rathole and are here now", clearly thinking he'd moved from Frisco to Houston.  Like they'd have him!

Of course, the Congressman handled it perfectly, and shifted gears immediately.  "Oh, I get it.  So tell me what it's really like there - I've been told it's awful," Hunt said.  Darwin, as only these coastal elites can do, snidely looked down on all of us and hissed "You know, my wife and I have lived there for 31 years and there's no doubt SF has a a lot of problems.  But so do a lot of cities and I would never count my city out.  And its beauty can never be dimished."  What pompous BS from this queer-lover!

But for some reason Rep. Hunt liked speaking with Darwin.  He kept saying things like "Your questions are great" and "No - go ahead, I love this and want to talk more with you."  For all the compliments to this extreme left-wing radical, all I ever really heard him ask were three questions, which I'll share here along with Hunt's response - God, is he good at shooting down these Democrats and their crazy questions and ideas!  As smart as I am, I could barely understand this poser as he tried to push his radical left agenda.

1.  Darwin:  Was your district gerrymandered?  Hunt:  Damn straight!  Proud of it too!
You tell 'em, Wes!  Your district looks perfectly rational to me.

2.  Darwin:  What do you think of Ranked Choice Voting?  Hunt:  Hate it and couldn't be more opposed. 
I agree:  look at what happened in Alaska - that RINO Lisa Murkowski from Alaska should be GONE, right along with her pal, that traitor Liz Cheney!   

3.  Darwin:  Could you support a Constitutional amendment that enables federal elections to be federally funded?  Hunt:  I love that idea!  There's too much money in politics!

Wesley then had to leave to go visit some donors in the Occidental Petroleum suite a few doors down, but before doing so, he took a selfie with Darwin.  I honestly couldn't believe he spent as much time as he did with him.  It just goes to show you how down to Earth and completely sincere this American hero really is!

The last I saw of this Darwin libtard was when Shelly's husband barked at him to get out of the Congressman's seat.  How dare he sit next to his wife Emily!

Truth be told, I actually did hear Darwin say to Emily that he'd move the minute Wesley came back.  Yeah, right!  Among other things, members of the Democrat Party have no manners!

I had one more Glenlivet and Dr. Pepper, indulged in another Twinkie, and then, with a tip of my cowboy hat, I was off.  

Alright, enough of that.  I don't mind the occasional visit from Seamus, but I now must shower.

10 Seconds of Seriousness:  Wesley Hunt said mostly all of the right things to me that night.  About how we must have leaders that bring us together.  That we're all Americans, and not red or blue.  He even agreed that he and I are likely aligned on 90 - 95% of the issues, and that Congress is about the same.

And then I looked at his campaign's website and I learned he's just another lying scumbag politician.  And he's been deemed a rising star in the Republican party.  We are fucking doomed if a guy of this caliber has to be such a two-faced bullshit artist to get elected.

I will say this:  look at that smile on Emily's face in the photo above.  That and having spoken with her directly tells me she gets what a fraud he - and it all - is.


I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the Portico Darwin fanboy, Hunter Deuce.  Today is his birthday and wow is he old - but I'll still give him a peck on his grizzled cheek.

Enough with the niceties, and on to a great take.  This is from our niece, the ski industry executive Nicki Vale, on my post on the criticality of friends.

I agree that social media has made us more distant.  But the Internet has also helped create relationships.

For example I used a site called Bumble BFF to make friends in both Houston and Denver.  I'm still friends with those people today.  

As I'm getting older, I find it harder and harder to just meet friends organically, especially in a remote world.  Now, that might be because every time you go out everyone is looking at their phone instead of at each other, but either way the Internet was helpful. 

Luckily, she has her boytoy Baron Belgium to keep her company.  Nicki will be visiting us in SF later this month - I am so eager to grill her about Baron!  I'm sure she can't wait!

Thank you to any one that is reading this newsletter.


Let's wrap this veritable volcano of content with even more.  Here is another in my series of monster playlists, and this one isn't for the faint of heart. 

Available on both TIDAL and Spotify, I am proud to present KLUF:  Harder Rock
This one has got over 450 songs and goes for 35 hours +, plenty for even the wildest of parties!  There's old-school warhorses like AC/DC and Scorpions, and newer stuff like the Günther Strobel favorite Greta Van Fleet.  There's even a few songs definitive collection of Rush.  But sorry Kevin Monza, there's likely nothing suitable for the mosh pit - after all, I could break a hip.

If you'd like to know more, as usual, I have a searchable/sortable database table of this playlist's contents.  I do this to give you ideas for things you're either not aware of, or have forgotten.  But I really hope you'll just put it on shuffle and give it a listen, if your little baby ears can handle it.

Next in the series is KLUF:  Modern Rock.  "I can barely contain my anticipation!"  Said absolutely no one.

Enjoy and have a great weekend. 

About Dean Clough

Plans To Enjoy Life.