I never really write about my own challenges, but this time is different. I'm reaching the "answer age" and lately it has been quite hard for me to blog and for once I wanted to share this side publicly.

Before I go on about the struggle part, here is few topics I really want to address, so you know a bit more about my blogging side.

Short answer: I believe in sharing without limitations and I love to learn in a hands-on way.
I read countless blog posts from persons that I know, or not. Their ideas, the way of writing, all is scrutinized and then I try to adapt it to my own "world", you know, Windows and WSL.

Believe me or not, I do everything for free. I always "blog first", and rare are the times that I tease a blog post as I'm a firm believer of giving without any wish of getting back.

I never ask(ed) for anything for my blogs, even hosted ones. Never asked about money, swag or any other compensation.
I have the feeling of being lucky already that someone asks for my inputs.
Now let's be real, I got swag, a lot, and I won't say no to it, if I know it's after I've helped a community. If someone feels that my blog(s) deserves something back, then I sincerely thank you, but that's not why I do it.

And once again, as stated above, I blog first and then I let the Karma handle the rest. If the blog is good, I'm glad it will be "well received". If it's shared by friends or readers, I'm happy if it will potentially reach someone and help them.
For me nothing beats a message about an almost obscure blog I wrote, saying "thank you, it helped me". That's what I'm really looking for, helping people.

Yes I do! And this is my most precious reward when I blog: meet new amazing persons and continue discussing with existing friends.
I'm lucky enough to have blogged about projects where the communities were open and inclusive about Windows and WSL.
I never got a snob attitude or "this is not in scope, so we don't care" feedback. The Windows and Cloud Native communities are just amazing and I'm grateful for being part of them.

With these points out of the way, let's address the main topic.

Don't get me wrong, I will continue blogging, I will continue love communicating with old or new friends. I will participate in communities efforts and try to make their ideas/projects shine on Windows too.

However, when the blog is written, I do feel alone. I'm not part of a company that understands what I do on my free time. With my "home" friends we discuss about other life aspects, and that's what keeps me humble. They don't know what I do, and in some way, it's great that way.

On the other side, I see quite a lot of my Internet friends being in amazing companies, with their management being helpful and supportive for their community efforts. 
This, I will admit, I envy them so much (in a good way, no jealousy here) for being in their, deserved, positions.

But then, when the blog is written, I go back to the "feeling alone" part. A perpetual motion, which grows deeper every single time. 

In addition to feeling alone, I always feel that I'm faking it, that I'm not worthy of my "place" in the communities I'm part of.
I blog about the "desktop" side, almost always, so I don't know how much it helps or not the community. Specially the Cloud Native one.

As said above, I do know amazing people, living role models (yes, nonetheless), and when I see what they do, their own knowledge, I really wonder what the hobbyist and WSL fanboy can bring to the table compared to them.

Then, there's my "favorite" sentence: I'm not a Dev. Even if others keep telling me I do am one, even if I don't code. I really have an hard time realizing it.
Don't get me wrong, I do know certain of my blog posts helped Devs concentrate on their job, as I took away a "roadblock", but for me, what I did, is not "dev related".

I consider myself an hobbyist, because I do not work or test my blogs in a professional environment (read: I do all in the Desktop).
This brings another layer of unknown and frustration as I sincerely do not know if anything I write about, will ever be able to help more than "pushing limits for fun".

If you read until here, Thank You! I really do appreciate your kindness and reading about my challenges.

I'm a positive person by nature, so I will continue being me and find new awesome projects to be tested on Windows and WSL.

Still, this needed to come out. I feel that my inner struggle, between the "day and night me", is at a point that it really affects my believes and motivation on what I do for the community.

Thanks again for reading.

The Captain Corsair 🏴‍☠️