17 years ago, on 28th September 2006, I received an email reply with a phone number. I was on the phone with her for 10+ hours before I slept that night. This led to a 14+ years-long relationship, with 11+ years of marriage. 2 years and 8 months ago, she boarded a flight and jetted out of my life.

For those of you who don't know, I write about incidents/people to get over intense pain or hurt. This would be the eighth of such writings, and the first time I'm writing about my soon-to-be ex-wife.

Why am I writing this? Because separation and divorce isn't too common in Indian culture (we're nowhere near the ~50% divorce rate in certain Western nations). Also because separation and divorce is barely even acknowledged in Christianity.

There are many ways one can 'do' separation and divorce. I feel that every action I take should reflect on the values I profess, and the faith I have in my Jesus.

If you're reading this, trying to derive some gossipy pleasure from a saucy separation/divorce journey - I'm sorry, you're going to be sorely disappointed. I suggest you stop reading now...

Smitha, for want of any other definitions, was the love of my life. I think I've loved her intensely, cared for her deeply, and tried my very best to make a good life for her, with whatever time, resources and abilities were given to me.

We've had some fantastic moments, as can be seen in the photos in this post, and we've had some not so great moments (we don't take photos of those moments, do we?!). Through it all, I am absolutely positive that Jesus was the orchestrator of the joyous moments, and was with me in the fire of the not-so-joyous moments.

Sir Walter Scott in Lochinvar says "Love swells like the Solway / And ebbs like its tide". This line has stuck with me from the time I read it when I was 14. Similarly, the love between Smitha and me swelled, and has now receded like the tide.

But think about it - even the most glorious of days come to an end. Even the most beautiful sunsets signify an 'end'. Nothing in life is really permanent, and when a relationship has run its course, we have no right to force somebody to continue in that relationship.

In the 2.8 years of separation, I have heard wild tales of gossip. Some are truth, smudged with doubt. Some are outright lies. I have been through all the stages of grief. A few panic attacks. Fully-numbing functional paralysis. I have prayed for the life Smitha has now. May she be blessed. May she be at peace. For every excruciating halt on this journey of separation, is probably a place she's visiting too.
 
The one thing that has kept me sane, happy and healing is Jesus. That does not mean Jesus came down as a cuddly teddy and made life all smooth for me. But He does it through the personal insight and growth He's granted me in this time, and the sheer wealth of amazing people He has placed around me.

So as I go to court every time there's a hearing, as I discuss a course of action with my lawyer, as I ponder over actions and letters from Smitha, one thing has become firmly certain in my head: I will not do this without love. I've tried explaining this to a few people, and their expressions seem to suggest I'm crazy. Maybe I am. *shrug* What this means is: no word or action I take, towards my currently-divorcing wife, will be from a place of spite or hatred or resentment or anger. There are lines I've told my lawyer to not use. There are suggested courses of action that I've decided not to take. There are still feelings and emotions within me that I have disciplined. If there's confusion as to why I am doing this, the answer is simple: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

"Love your neighbour as yourself" He said. "Do good to those who hurt you", He said. (If you want to understand my relationship with Him a little bit, this poem I wrote for Good Friday 2022 may help: Dying For Me).

I truly think that Jesus would want me to walk this path with love - yes, even a path of divorce, and so, I walk this path His way. And with people like Joan Miss around me (if you don't know who she is, this is a great introduction written by me: An absolute treasure of a human being), it is super-easy to just align my heart and my actions with the WWJD way.

To wrap up, I'd just like to say: I have found peace, beauty and healing in life after the sunset of my marriage. I’m hoping and praying that my former better half has found it too.