I've seen tears of many types in the workplace - anger, joy, sadness, pride, defiance, and misery. I've been the cause of tears at work and I've shed my own.
Yesterday I shed tears of sadness. I was glad that I was remote, and even though the other person in the meeting knew exactly what was happening I was grateful that I could turn off the camera, mute my mic, and let the moment pass.
I'm grateful for a co-worker who understood. Who got it. Who didn't judge and didn't feel a need to discuss.
I'm a strong believer in emotion at work. Believing in what you are doing. Putting your heart into how you earn a living. And letting those feelings show through.
There's a downside to this. Emotions aren't a universal source of truth. Just because we feel a thing doesn't mean anything in and of itself. Our gut can deceive us, and our feelings can simply be wrong. That's why we need feedback loops. Colleagues who tell us when we have tricked ourselves into justifying something we want, but can do that in a nuanced way that reflects an understanding of their own biases.
Certain feelings - jealousy, conceit, ambition, anger, fear - need to be checked. We can't let them rule us and sometimes we need to conceal them from others in order to fit in.*
Other feelings - empathy, joy, pride, friendship, sadness - make us more genuine to others when we reveal them. They can be an asset in building powerful relationships at work and at home.**
Bottling up feelings, whichever category they fall into, can be harmful and make us seem robotic or uncommitted to others. It takes experience to know when and how to show our feelings, and you can't get experience without trying.
So get experience. Learn to let the right feelings show at the right time. When you make the wrong call, think it over. Adapt. But don't give up on feelings. Don't be afraid of them. Lean into them, and make them powerful.
* This is a generality, and "checking" them isn't the same thing as ignoring them or just giving in to them.
** Ditto.
Yesterday I shed tears of sadness. I was glad that I was remote, and even though the other person in the meeting knew exactly what was happening I was grateful that I could turn off the camera, mute my mic, and let the moment pass.
I'm grateful for a co-worker who understood. Who got it. Who didn't judge and didn't feel a need to discuss.
I'm a strong believer in emotion at work. Believing in what you are doing. Putting your heart into how you earn a living. And letting those feelings show through.
There's a downside to this. Emotions aren't a universal source of truth. Just because we feel a thing doesn't mean anything in and of itself. Our gut can deceive us, and our feelings can simply be wrong. That's why we need feedback loops. Colleagues who tell us when we have tricked ourselves into justifying something we want, but can do that in a nuanced way that reflects an understanding of their own biases.
Certain feelings - jealousy, conceit, ambition, anger, fear - need to be checked. We can't let them rule us and sometimes we need to conceal them from others in order to fit in.*
Other feelings - empathy, joy, pride, friendship, sadness - make us more genuine to others when we reveal them. They can be an asset in building powerful relationships at work and at home.**
Bottling up feelings, whichever category they fall into, can be harmful and make us seem robotic or uncommitted to others. It takes experience to know when and how to show our feelings, and you can't get experience without trying.
So get experience. Learn to let the right feelings show at the right time. When you make the wrong call, think it over. Adapt. But don't give up on feelings. Don't be afraid of them. Lean into them, and make them powerful.
* This is a generality, and "checking" them isn't the same thing as ignoring them or just giving in to them.
** Ditto.
Dave Christiansen
Writer. Maker. Programmer. Leader.
Writer. Maker. Programmer. Leader.