People are hard to change. As an industry, we've invested enormous sums of money in trying to help people change. Performance management systems. 360's. Personality tests. The list is long and every single item on the list represents hundreds of millions of dollars over the last thirty years.

None of them really work at changing people.

Sure, they are helpful at identifying skill gaps and helping people bridge those skill gaps. This is especially true in the context of technical skills (ie. learning how to DO something). But when it comes to actually changing people? They don't work. 

Allow me to explain. I'll use myself as an example.

I struggle with anxiety when I have to talk about something difficult. More than most people. I always have, from childhood. I forget things, I get confused more easily, and I feel so much tension that other people describe me as angry. Internally, I don't feel angry, but others almost always see it that way.

This is unlikely to ever change, in the sense that I will always feel that anxiety. I have learned, over the years, tricks for reducing the impact of that anxiety. Sometimes I simply explain it to the audience. "I know I seem angry, and maybe you won't believe this, but really I'm just nervous." Sometimes that helps. Sometimes it doesn't.

Unfortunately, I also take my obligation to speak up seriously, and I don't let the fact that I will most likely appear angry stop me from saying something important.

And that has caused me a lot of trouble over the years. It's still causing me trouble, and I'm always trying to get better at it, but one thing I have learned is this - the anxiety is never going away.

I'm not the only person who has traits that will never change. I've been in this industry for thirty years, and every person I've ever met has a personality.

Crazy right?

I know people who are jerks. They've always been, and probably always will be, jerks. They are judgmental, have very little empathy, and hold everyone but themselves to the highest of standards.

I know people with short tempers. They react explosively to things, then calm down. They have to get that reaction out of their system. Once they do, they can be reasonable. Thoughtful. Smart. Helpful.

I know people who aren't confident enough to air great ideas in a large group. 

I know people of all types. Paranoid people. People with unusually high tendencies toward confirmation bias. People who simply can't comprehend abstractions.

And interestingly enough, they are also very, very, very good at something. And we* need them.

There was a time when I thought, as a manger, that I could change those traits in others, just like I thought I could get rid of the anxiousness I feel in a crowd. Or just get rid of them and replace them with someone with equal talent and no downside. They don't exist.

Maybe you've had better success, but I haven't been able to do it.

People seem to be immutable in many ways, and in many cases they aren't even aware of these traits. Trying to discuss them can end or permanently damage relationships.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about mis-steps with people. When someone loses their temper, you should talk about it. Help them understand the impact they've had on others. Often times this will curb the behavior, even thought the tendency will still be there.

The same is true for jerks. When they are rude, or condescending, they need to be told. If they can deal with that feedback (my experience is they cannot) then they will likely adjust their behavior.

And so on. The point is to talk about the behavior, not attack whatever trait is driving that behavior. 

I have found the most effective way of creating an organization where people of all kinds can bring value and get along is to adjust the role to fit the person, rather than trying to make the person fit the role.

As a manager, this means honestly knowing and caring about your employees. It means spending time thinking about their traits, understanding their motivations, and being imaginative about how to adjust their responsibilities in a way that makes the most of their strengths while minimizing the impact of their weaknesses.

As an employee, it means thinking about your role, understanding the aspects of it that you were born to crush, all the while developing an awareness of the parts of your role at which you may never excel.

It means caring. For yourself and for others. And caring is hard. But every other path to winning is harder.

* By "we" I mean the industry at large. These examples are made in a general sense based on my long years in this industry.

Dave Christiansen
Writer. Maker. Programmer. Leader.