Remember, O Lord, your compassion and love, for they are from everlasting;
–from the Introit for the Second Sunday of Lent (Reminiscere)
If any new music director of a church learned that not only was the music critic for the local newspaper a member of the parish but a member of the choir as well, they would be somewhat apprehensive. I admit to being slightly worried when I arrived at St. Peter’s five years ago. But then I met Sarah Bryan Miller.
I came to understand that Bryan loved the Church and music in equal measure. And for her, like so many of us, music was part and parcel of what Church is.
…do not let our enemies triumph over us;
deliver Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
It’s impossible for me to look at the music list for the Second Sunday in Lent, 2020, at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in St. Louis and not think about Bryan.
Before the Gospel, we sang one of Bryan’s favorite Lenten hymns, “Wilt thou forgive that sin, where I begun,” with words by John Donne and music written expressly for it by John Hilton. Bryan was always keen to point out the multiple plays on words in this unusual Lute-song hymn. In the past, I was almost always inclined to skip past this hymn. Now, whenever I sing or play it, I will think of Bryan.
“It’s gonna get me, but I’m gonna make it fight for me.”
–Bryan Miller (radio interview)
Though she was a member of the choir for much longer, I only knew Bryan during the second half of her decade living with the reality of cancer.
Philip Barnes, the director of the St. Louis Chamber Chorus, had the excellent idea to commission a new piece in Bryan’s honor from English composer Judith Bingham. Along with other St. Louis organizations, we commissioned “I lift up mine eyes unto the hills,” a setting of Psalm 121. I remember that Bryan was so flattered and surprised by this and enjoyed playing a role in shaping the piece: she chose the Psalm translation, the one by Miles Coverdale.
As Bryan’s illness progressed, the commissioners wanted to be sure that we sang this new piece for her. Philip Barnes assembled a large choir in September 2019 to sing the piece just for Bryan (video). Judith Bingham sent flowers.
The anthem was sung at St. Peter’s for the first time a few weeks later on Sunday, October 20, 2019.
The St. Louis Chamber Chorus gave the first full concert performance of the piece at their concert on Sunday, February 16, 2020.
“I don’t know what comes next, but I believe that something does come next, and I think it will be something positive. We don’t know the details. Speculating on that is above my pay grade, but I just take comfort knowing that Jesus has our backs.”
–Bryan Miller (radio interview)
At its best, a church choir is more than a musical ensemble: it is a community of faith. Bryan gave so much to the choir, and the choir gave so much back to her. Bryan contributed to the choir in many ways, both seen and unseen. Her dedication and commitment to the group were apparent to all, especially throughout her illness.
In conjunction with Psalm 121’s appearance in the lectionary, we sang “I lift up mine eyes unto the hills” again at St. Peter’s on the Second Sunday of Lent, March 8, 2020. Knowing that she would probably not live much longer, I chose this same day to present Bryan Miller with the Choirmaster’s Award for distinguished service to the St. Peter’s Choir. The congregation of St. Peter’s had a chance to rise and express their appreciation. As it turned out, this was the last day we saw a full church that year. And Bryan died just before Advent.
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul:
my God, I put my trust in you: let me not be humiliated.
Bryan inspired us with her singing, and her love for music and singing at St. Peter’s inspires us still.
Among the many things postponed by the pandemic is Bryan’s memorial service. When we return to singing one of the things we will be able to do is to sing a final, well-deserved valediction to one of our own.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills: from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh even from the Lord: who hath made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: and he that keepeth thee will not sleep.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel: shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord himself is thy keeper: the Lord is thy defence upon thy right hand;
So that the sun shall not burn thee by day: neither the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: yea, it is even he that shall keep thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out, and thy coming in: from this time forth for evermore.