I was listening to a podcast yesterday...or the day before, they can all blend together sometimes...and a line really struck me from the guest. (I would link the podcast but I actually don't remember which one it was from that I was listening to and want to get this written quickly in the time I have. Maybe I'll find it later and edit.) They were talking about CEO's, or the high end leaders, who truly reach that stage of successful organisations that are not reliant on them for everything, and yet continue to grow and be successful while carrying the DNA that they built the organisation with. The line was something like this: "these people are confident in who they are, and comfortable in who they are not."
To break this down a little more, a successful leader has to be confident in who they are. Their character. Their quirks. The vision that they have. But also comfortable knowing that they can't do and be everything. That they have weaknesses, they have things they can't do, and be comfortable with those things so that they don't try to work in them out of pride and tank what they're doing.
I really like that line. And I think it is something I've been working on internally for the last couple of years myself. Because I've recognised that there are things about myself I've really toned down because they were just different to the way my leaders thought or are. And out of a good place, trying to help me, they recommended I changed my approach. This wasn't bad. This wasn't oppression or me being put in a cage. It taught me some skills and the human approach I need to have if I want to actually help and lead people. But I've realised that in trying to take on the feedback from my leader at that time, I tried too much to simply be like them instead of incorporating it into who I am and my flow.
The big area is around my observational and systematic brain. I see many things. I notice many things. I think about many things. And these things all connect. So for me, I have no problem jumping from a relational time to a time of work or tasks. I can easily jump from "how's your mum?" to "ok, we need to do this", and then back to "did you see the buzzer beater from Booker?" with a person. Because for me, everything is connected to that person. I'm genuinely asking and caring about their life, I don't just ask to be polite because I'm wanting something from them...I actually do care and want to know the answer. But I also want to get stuff done. I want to give feedback. I want to make progress and not just sit idling by because someone doesn't do the thing they said they would do. I feel a high sense of responsibility myself, so I don't disconnect responsibility from the other parts of my life, I integrate it. But for some people, that can be a bit jarring.
So what I tried to do instead, was take on my leader's advice. Separate relational from work/tasks. Don't "ruin" a relational time with someone by bringing in talk of responsibilities or tasks, make another time for that. Separate those times. But where that caused me issues, is that it meant I had to make more "times" for people, that I simply didn't have. And so something had to miss out. And normally that meant the important things I needed to talk about as a leader because I was trying to be more relational like the leader who gave me the feedback.
Where I've grown in confidence is being that systematic guy who does connect everything, and say what I need to or want to say more when I get the chance. Still growing in the confidence more, it takes practice to actually jump back into saying those things, but I'm growing. Where I've had to get comfortable, is knowing that that will turn some people off. That it will make some people not want to be in a direct-report relationship with responsibilities under me and instead just stick to a purely relational connection. Maybe in a team with me where there are a couple of layers between us in "hierarchy" while being friends is fine, but being in a position of higher responsibilities and expectations from myself is not what they want. I've gotten more comfortable with that. It's actually way easier for me that way, I can enjoy the friendship more than when I know in my mind there are things that I want to say that I have noticed but am holding back because I'm in a "friend" time, not a "work" time.
Now I can't get to a point of no expectations ever on anyone, I can't be a leader if that's my outlook, but I'm comfortable knowing that the right people will come along and be in the right positions and relationships with me based on who I am. I of course need to continue to grow in leadership and relationship, but I can't grow into someone else. I need to grow into who God made me to be.
To break this down a little more, a successful leader has to be confident in who they are. Their character. Their quirks. The vision that they have. But also comfortable knowing that they can't do and be everything. That they have weaknesses, they have things they can't do, and be comfortable with those things so that they don't try to work in them out of pride and tank what they're doing.
I really like that line. And I think it is something I've been working on internally for the last couple of years myself. Because I've recognised that there are things about myself I've really toned down because they were just different to the way my leaders thought or are. And out of a good place, trying to help me, they recommended I changed my approach. This wasn't bad. This wasn't oppression or me being put in a cage. It taught me some skills and the human approach I need to have if I want to actually help and lead people. But I've realised that in trying to take on the feedback from my leader at that time, I tried too much to simply be like them instead of incorporating it into who I am and my flow.
The big area is around my observational and systematic brain. I see many things. I notice many things. I think about many things. And these things all connect. So for me, I have no problem jumping from a relational time to a time of work or tasks. I can easily jump from "how's your mum?" to "ok, we need to do this", and then back to "did you see the buzzer beater from Booker?" with a person. Because for me, everything is connected to that person. I'm genuinely asking and caring about their life, I don't just ask to be polite because I'm wanting something from them...I actually do care and want to know the answer. But I also want to get stuff done. I want to give feedback. I want to make progress and not just sit idling by because someone doesn't do the thing they said they would do. I feel a high sense of responsibility myself, so I don't disconnect responsibility from the other parts of my life, I integrate it. But for some people, that can be a bit jarring.
So what I tried to do instead, was take on my leader's advice. Separate relational from work/tasks. Don't "ruin" a relational time with someone by bringing in talk of responsibilities or tasks, make another time for that. Separate those times. But where that caused me issues, is that it meant I had to make more "times" for people, that I simply didn't have. And so something had to miss out. And normally that meant the important things I needed to talk about as a leader because I was trying to be more relational like the leader who gave me the feedback.
Where I've grown in confidence is being that systematic guy who does connect everything, and say what I need to or want to say more when I get the chance. Still growing in the confidence more, it takes practice to actually jump back into saying those things, but I'm growing. Where I've had to get comfortable, is knowing that that will turn some people off. That it will make some people not want to be in a direct-report relationship with responsibilities under me and instead just stick to a purely relational connection. Maybe in a team with me where there are a couple of layers between us in "hierarchy" while being friends is fine, but being in a position of higher responsibilities and expectations from myself is not what they want. I've gotten more comfortable with that. It's actually way easier for me that way, I can enjoy the friendship more than when I know in my mind there are things that I want to say that I have noticed but am holding back because I'm in a "friend" time, not a "work" time.
Now I can't get to a point of no expectations ever on anyone, I can't be a leader if that's my outlook, but I'm comfortable knowing that the right people will come along and be in the right positions and relationships with me based on who I am. I of course need to continue to grow in leadership and relationship, but I can't grow into someone else. I need to grow into who God made me to be.