I don’t believe that life is supposed to make you feel good, or to make you feel miserable either. Life is just supposed to make you feel. — Gloria Naylor

What do I feel? Do I even know, since I grew up internalizing various messages about downplaying feelings:

Men should be stoic, unperturbed by life's events. With constant happiness the goal, sadness should be replaced with a silver lining and an ever optimistic world view. Anger should be dissipated before it causes hurt or harm.

Then, from my years working in high tech:

Facts and rational thinking are the basis for making decisions and managing. Expressing feelings exposes weakness, a losing argument when advocating a business decision.

Many years later, learning about nonviolent communication (NVC) gave me an empowering perspective about my feelings:

Each of us has needs, drawn from a common pool of human needs. Think of being safe, accepted, belonging, of being independent and having choices. Feelings result when our needs are met, unmet, or we anticipate how our needs will be received by others. I feel content when I feel accepted or scared when I feel unsafe.

NVC acknowledges our feelings as legitimate, since they reflect our human needs. I have the right to voice my feelings as I (appropriately) seek to meet my needs, even though I often don't feel comfortable expressing them (which reflects feelings of vulnerability or unworthiness). Feeling comfortable or at least sufficiently courageous to honestly express my feelings is an area of personal development.

However, about the stoicism, I am content with my even keel response to life. It has served me well, particularly through the challenging times. I regard it as a posture of acceptance.

Written on Monday, March 8, 2021.