Sparks, the band, has been around for over fifty years. Their first album was released in 1972; their newest, the unfairly-well-named The Girl is Crying in Her Latte, releases this month. It has been noted by quite a lot of people that Sparks remains obscenely good, unlike most things that involve men in their seventies trying to do things typically done by men in their twenties. What is their secret? Hard to say! But I suspect it has something to do with writing good songs, instead of bad ones.
Here, for no particular reason, is a single Sparks song from every Sparks album. I do not encourage you to think of it as homework, or as a playlist. Think of this as something to read, idly, until something makes you go "Oh huh," at which point... listen to it? Maybe? I don't know you.
Here, for no particular reason, is a single Sparks song from every Sparks album. I do not encourage you to think of it as homework, or as a playlist. Think of this as something to read, idly, until something makes you go "Oh huh," at which point... listen to it? Maybe? I don't know you.
1972: Halfnelson/Sparks
THE SONG: Roger
Sparks' kind-of-self-titled debut (don't ask) is mostly interesting because it's a panoply of songs that sound like songs that were written in the early 70s. It's almost a sampler plate of kinds of songs that Sparks knew people were writing, as if they were tasting music culture and seeing what they wanted to send back.
And then there's "Roger," which is just batshit. This is a batshit song. More music should be written by young men who clearly should not have been given access to a recording studio. I am not sharing these songs to provide you with a narrative; these songs will teach you nothing meaningful about Sparks' history or ethos as a band. What "Roger" teaches us about Sparks is that I love Sparks, and also probably that it's good that they only wrote this song one time.
Sparks' kind-of-self-titled debut (don't ask) is mostly interesting because it's a panoply of songs that sound like songs that were written in the early 70s. It's almost a sampler plate of kinds of songs that Sparks knew people were writing, as if they were tasting music culture and seeing what they wanted to send back.
And then there's "Roger," which is just batshit. This is a batshit song. More music should be written by young men who clearly should not have been given access to a recording studio. I am not sharing these songs to provide you with a narrative; these songs will teach you nothing meaningful about Sparks' history or ethos as a band. What "Roger" teaches us about Sparks is that I love Sparks, and also probably that it's good that they only wrote this song one time.
1973: A Woofer in Tweeter's Clothing
THE SONG: Here Comes Bob
One year and one album from now, Sparks became one of the most famous glam rock bands of all time. So it makes sense that, at the moment, they're writing music for string quartets about a man who makes friends by running his car into theirs.
"I ain't subtle in my way of making friends." No indeed, Bob!
Woofer, to be clear, also has very good songs about Germany and BDSM on it, many of which feature guitar licks and such. It just also has, y'know, this.
One year and one album from now, Sparks became one of the most famous glam rock bands of all time. So it makes sense that, at the moment, they're writing music for string quartets about a man who makes friends by running his car into theirs.
"I ain't subtle in my way of making friends." No indeed, Bob!
Woofer, to be clear, also has very good songs about Germany and BDSM on it, many of which feature guitar licks and such. It just also has, y'know, this.
1974: Kimono My House
THE SONG: Here in Heaven
This was the first Sparks song I ever listened to. It took me about half a second to fall in love with them forever. Rock has never sounded more like an absurd tragic opera than this song. And that's before you get into what the song is about, namely: "What if Juliet reneged on that whole suicide-pact thing, Romeo wound up in heaven alone, and he's torn between missing her, feeling spiteful, and eagerly awaiting the day that she finally dies?" Yeah.
Sparks is sometimes called a cerebral band, which is technically correct. But what most defines them, I think, is this giddy juvenile impulse to write music about things that are clearly very fun, and then to play those songs like they're having a blast. Simple!
This was the first Sparks song I ever listened to. It took me about half a second to fall in love with them forever. Rock has never sounded more like an absurd tragic opera than this song. And that's before you get into what the song is about, namely: "What if Juliet reneged on that whole suicide-pact thing, Romeo wound up in heaven alone, and he's torn between missing her, feeling spiteful, and eagerly awaiting the day that she finally dies?" Yeah.
Sparks is sometimes called a cerebral band, which is technically correct. But what most defines them, I think, is this giddy juvenile impulse to write music about things that are clearly very fun, and then to play those songs like they're having a blast. Simple!
Also 1974: Propaganda
THE SONG: Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth
Hey look! It's the first time I'm sharing a Sparks song that properly gets called a classic! I debated going with their song about a sneeze wiping out the human race, or their one sung from the POV of the animals who weren't allowed on Noah's Ark, but honestly this one is just too good. I avoided listening to this song for ages when I first discovered Sparks, because it sounded like some faffy politically-well-meaning anthem, and then I listened to it and of course it's about personifying Earth and treating her like a girlfriend you're fucking around on.
The Depeche Mode cover of this song slaps. Depeche Mode covered Sparks because, at some point in the future, after they were busy inspiring Queen, Sparks decided to inspire Depeche Mode instead. We'll get there, settle down.
Hey look! It's the first time I'm sharing a Sparks song that properly gets called a classic! I debated going with their song about a sneeze wiping out the human race, or their one sung from the POV of the animals who weren't allowed on Noah's Ark, but honestly this one is just too good. I avoided listening to this song for ages when I first discovered Sparks, because it sounded like some faffy politically-well-meaning anthem, and then I listened to it and of course it's about personifying Earth and treating her like a girlfriend you're fucking around on.
The Depeche Mode cover of this song slaps. Depeche Mode covered Sparks because, at some point in the future, after they were busy inspiring Queen, Sparks decided to inspire Depeche Mode instead. We'll get there, settle down.
1975: Indiscreet
THE SONG: How Are You Getting Home?
This is the first Sparks album that really runs wild. So it's funny (kinda??) that the song I'm sharing is as close to normal-ish as the album gets. Oh well! I heard this song in Holy Motors, years before I knew what Sparks was, and was just crazy about it. It's the scene where the dad picks his daughter up from the party, you remember it. No? You only remember the CGI alien sex scene? Ok I mean that's fair.
Something I'm a sucker for is a song that starts out sounding like one kind of song that I'd really like a lot, and then turns into another kind of song that I also like a lot. This is that! Let's not overthink this.
This is the first Sparks album that really runs wild. So it's funny (kinda??) that the song I'm sharing is as close to normal-ish as the album gets. Oh well! I heard this song in Holy Motors, years before I knew what Sparks was, and was just crazy about it. It's the scene where the dad picks his daughter up from the party, you remember it. No? You only remember the CGI alien sex scene? Ok I mean that's fair.
Something I'm a sucker for is a song that starts out sounding like one kind of song that I'd really like a lot, and then turns into another kind of song that I also like a lot. This is that! Let's not overthink this.
1976: Big Beat
THE SONG: I Bought the Mississippi River
This song is really about my cowardice. Big Beat is a loud angry-sounding rock album that makes fun of loud angry rock. It's full of extremely nasty songs that either lampoon how casually nasty rock is ("Throw Her Away and Get a New One") or subvert the weird shit that rock was on about those days (like making fun of white rock exoticizing black women with a song called "White Women," instead). However, politics has been complicated recently, and none of those songs are worth trying to untangle the various levels of irony, non-irony, and contingency that I'd feel the need to untangle if I was sharing that stuff. Listen to those songs if that sounds like fun to you, idk.
Anyway, they also wrote a song about buying the Mississippi River, because you can do anything you want in life. 18 years later, they wrote a song about buying the BBC. It's weird that "Sparks buys something" is a subcategory of Sparks song, but such is life. Such is life!
This song is really about my cowardice. Big Beat is a loud angry-sounding rock album that makes fun of loud angry rock. It's full of extremely nasty songs that either lampoon how casually nasty rock is ("Throw Her Away and Get a New One") or subvert the weird shit that rock was on about those days (like making fun of white rock exoticizing black women with a song called "White Women," instead). However, politics has been complicated recently, and none of those songs are worth trying to untangle the various levels of irony, non-irony, and contingency that I'd feel the need to untangle if I was sharing that stuff. Listen to those songs if that sounds like fun to you, idk.
Anyway, they also wrote a song about buying the Mississippi River, because you can do anything you want in life. 18 years later, they wrote a song about buying the BBC. It's weird that "Sparks buys something" is a subcategory of Sparks song, but such is life. Such is life!
1977: Introducing Sparks
THE SONG: Ladies
Introducing Sparks is a famous "low point" album for Sparks, but I love it. I don't love it in some fierce spiteful rebellious sense: I just think it's a fun album full of fun songs. Such as "Ladies," in which there are lots of summery Beach Boys oohs and aahs, as a man describes some ladies that he imagines.
I'm not really sure what prompts somebody to write this song. My version of that scene in The Beatles: Get Back where Paul starts noodling on his guitar and accidentally writes, uh, "Get Back" would be the session where Sparks came up with the idea of "Ladies." That's a lie, but it's a fun lie, so I'm keeping it in.
Introducing Sparks is a famous "low point" album for Sparks, but I love it. I don't love it in some fierce spiteful rebellious sense: I just think it's a fun album full of fun songs. Such as "Ladies," in which there are lots of summery Beach Boys oohs and aahs, as a man describes some ladies that he imagines.
I'm not really sure what prompts somebody to write this song. My version of that scene in The Beatles: Get Back where Paul starts noodling on his guitar and accidentally writes, uh, "Get Back" would be the session where Sparks came up with the idea of "Ladies." That's a lie, but it's a fun lie, so I'm keeping it in.
1979: No. 1 in Heaven
THE SONG: The Number One Song in Heaven
It's funny: I could take or leave "This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us," which is the big Sparks single that I skipped over even mentioning. It's a delightful song, but it's off an album of delightful songs, and doesn't particularly leap out for me. But their next big hit, the disco slow/fast hybrid "The Number One Song in Heaven," feels like a fucking miracle. The first half of it alone—it's really two songs jammed into one—has that "oh my GOSH" feeling to it. And then it kicks into high gear and, man! Man!
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa closes to the second half of this song. It's an extremely funny movie that goes by twice as fast as feels plausible. I had a blast with it. Then this song abruptly came on and I went, "Oh! I get it! This movie is just a great time." You know that things are a great time when the second half of this song happens in them, is basically my point.
It's funny: I could take or leave "This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us," which is the big Sparks single that I skipped over even mentioning. It's a delightful song, but it's off an album of delightful songs, and doesn't particularly leap out for me. But their next big hit, the disco slow/fast hybrid "The Number One Song in Heaven," feels like a fucking miracle. The first half of it alone—it's really two songs jammed into one—has that "oh my GOSH" feeling to it. And then it kicks into high gear and, man! Man!
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa closes to the second half of this song. It's an extremely funny movie that goes by twice as fast as feels plausible. I had a blast with it. Then this song abruptly came on and I went, "Oh! I get it! This movie is just a great time." You know that things are a great time when the second half of this song happens in them, is basically my point.
1980: Terminal Jive
THE SONG: When I'm With You
Am I sharing the hit single off an album for the second time in a row?? Huh, guess I am. Sparks is really good at writing hit disco singles, I guess.
This is a perfect song, to me. I know I just went on about how miraculous "Number One" is, but "Number One" almost doesn't feel like a Sparks song, to me. "When I'm With You," on the other hand, manages to find an absolutely lovely vibe, while twisting it just enough with punchy lyrics to keep it interesting the whole way through. And every single aspect of it—the bass, the string riff, the contrasting verse/chorus melodies, the little trumpet solo—brings me joy. I decided long ago that, if I ever write a Sparks jukebox musical, this'll be the closing song. Only I won't want other people to sing the music. I'll just want Sparks to sing all the songs. This right here is why Mamma Earth Mia! will never be a musical.
Am I sharing the hit single off an album for the second time in a row?? Huh, guess I am. Sparks is really good at writing hit disco singles, I guess.
This is a perfect song, to me. I know I just went on about how miraculous "Number One" is, but "Number One" almost doesn't feel like a Sparks song, to me. "When I'm With You," on the other hand, manages to find an absolutely lovely vibe, while twisting it just enough with punchy lyrics to keep it interesting the whole way through. And every single aspect of it—the bass, the string riff, the contrasting verse/chorus melodies, the little trumpet solo—brings me joy. I decided long ago that, if I ever write a Sparks jukebox musical, this'll be the closing song. Only I won't want other people to sing the music. I'll just want Sparks to sing all the songs. This right here is why Mamma Earth Mia! will never be a musical.
1981: Whomp That Sucker
THE SONG: Where's My Girl?
More songs should expressly ask radio listeners to do things as they listen. I don't mean like the cha-cha. I mean like asking people to call in if they see the singer's girl. I love the thought of driving around in the 80s and hearing Russell Mael popping in to be like, hey, just keep a look out, okay?
The thing about this song is, it doesn't really give you enough detail to find Russell Mael's girl. It does a great job of sounding like a B-movie song about UFO abductions, but that's not useful for a manhunt. I would like to know things like hair and eye color, personally, so I know I'm not tying up the hotline with useless tips. If you would like to write a song about your girl, I recommend specifying things like hair color. For that I have to dock this song half a point. 7.5/10
More songs should expressly ask radio listeners to do things as they listen. I don't mean like the cha-cha. I mean like asking people to call in if they see the singer's girl. I love the thought of driving around in the 80s and hearing Russell Mael popping in to be like, hey, just keep a look out, okay?
The thing about this song is, it doesn't really give you enough detail to find Russell Mael's girl. It does a great job of sounding like a B-movie song about UFO abductions, but that's not useful for a manhunt. I would like to know things like hair and eye color, personally, so I know I'm not tying up the hotline with useless tips. If you would like to write a song about your girl, I recommend specifying things like hair color. For that I have to dock this song half a point. 7.5/10
1982: Angst in My Pants
THE SONG: The Decline and Fall of Me
One of Sparks' weirdest geniuses is that they are fantastic at employing unusual rhetorical devices in their lyrics. For instance, "The Decline and Fall of Me" establishes a basic pattern of listing less-than-ideal behaviors in its singer, then following those lines up with "Other than that, I'm lots like I was then." Which leads to the punchline, where the less-than-ideal behavior in question is "Now your jokes seem really funny." They set you up! It's tremendous!
It would be very difficult to categorize Sparks' best lyrics, but I would like to shortlist this:
One of Sparks' weirdest geniuses is that they are fantastic at employing unusual rhetorical devices in their lyrics. For instance, "The Decline and Fall of Me" establishes a basic pattern of listing less-than-ideal behaviors in its singer, then following those lines up with "Other than that, I'm lots like I was then." Which leads to the punchline, where the less-than-ideal behavior in question is "Now your jokes seem really funny." They set you up! It's tremendous!
It would be very difficult to categorize Sparks' best lyrics, but I would like to shortlist this:
If I had a hammer I would drop it and break it
Look at the pieces
Now I've got a hobby, I collect frozen pizzas
Check out my pizzas
In general, this is one of the best albums of all time, even by Sparks standards. It makes me feel like I was alive during the 80s, even though I wasn't. I like to think I'd have worn this record out as an 80s teen.
1983: In Outer Space
THE SONG: Lucky Me, Lucky You
In Outer Space is another album like Big Beat, where Sparks plays a genre completely straight but writes a bunch of on-the-nose songs about what songs in that genre are typically about. It holds up much better, I think. Sparks really are such a perfect synthesizer band; I forget that every time they throw in a guitar, because Sparks does guitar great, but the synthesizer was where Sparks really came into their own.
Anyway, this song makes me feel feelings, because I am a total sap. If you ever, for whatever reason, decide to date me, there is a chance that, at some point, I will sing you this song. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that this has become "our song." If I'm singing this song, what's really happening is, I'm feeling emotional because I just remembered that this song exists. My apologies to the approximately three women who I sang this song to before thinking to include this disclaimer.
In Outer Space is another album like Big Beat, where Sparks plays a genre completely straight but writes a bunch of on-the-nose songs about what songs in that genre are typically about. It holds up much better, I think. Sparks really are such a perfect synthesizer band; I forget that every time they throw in a guitar, because Sparks does guitar great, but the synthesizer was where Sparks really came into their own.
Anyway, this song makes me feel feelings, because I am a total sap. If you ever, for whatever reason, decide to date me, there is a chance that, at some point, I will sing you this song. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that this has become "our song." If I'm singing this song, what's really happening is, I'm feeling emotional because I just remembered that this song exists. My apologies to the approximately three women who I sang this song to before thinking to include this disclaimer.
1984: Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat
THE SONG: Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat
DISCLAIMER TIME. There are exactly two Sparks albums, out of all the Sparks albums that exist, that I literally never listen to. This is the first one of those.
In 1997, Sparks released a "Sparks tribute album" where they rewrote and rerecorded a bunch of their old songs. It kicks off with a cover of Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat, and that cover is one of my favorite Sparks songs of all time. The original is pretty great in an 80s-song kind of way, but I wouldn't know it if the cover didn't exist, because I don't listen to this album, ever.
DISCLAIMER TIME. There are exactly two Sparks albums, out of all the Sparks albums that exist, that I literally never listen to. This is the first one of those.
In 1997, Sparks released a "Sparks tribute album" where they rewrote and rerecorded a bunch of their old songs. It kicks off with a cover of Pulling Rabbits Out of a Hat, and that cover is one of my favorite Sparks songs of all time. The original is pretty great in an 80s-song kind of way, but I wouldn't know it if the cover didn't exist, because I don't listen to this album, ever.
1986: Music That You Can Dance To
THE SONG: Shopping Mall of Love
I love this shit. Nothing else on this album sounds like this, but man, I just love this shit.
It's one of the few songs performed by Ron Mael, the older Mael. Usually Ron just wears a Charlie Chaplin mustache and a suit and glares around as he plays piano, but here he speaks some words. This song fucking delights me. Don't expect me to say anything lucid about it. Good album, too. The title track would open my jukebox musical, FYI.
I love this shit. Nothing else on this album sounds like this, but man, I just love this shit.
It's one of the few songs performed by Ron Mael, the older Mael. Usually Ron just wears a Charlie Chaplin mustache and a suit and glares around as he plays piano, but here he speaks some words. This song fucking delights me. Don't expect me to say anything lucid about it. Good album, too. The title track would open my jukebox musical, FYI.
1988: Interior Design
THE SONG: Love-O-Rama
I don't listen to this album either. Though I guess I listen to it enough that I can recommend this song to you? Hey, maybe I do listen to this album. Huh.
You don't have to listen to this album, though. It's not even "bad," per se, it's just impossible for me to care about in any way. It has the bad fortune to be the last less-than-sublime album that Sparks ever released. Great album art! idk let's move on
I don't listen to this album either. Though I guess I listen to it enough that I can recommend this song to you? Hey, maybe I do listen to this album. Huh.
You don't have to listen to this album, though. It's not even "bad," per se, it's just impossible for me to care about in any way. It has the bad fortune to be the last less-than-sublime album that Sparks ever released. Great album art! idk let's move on
1994: Gratuitous Sax & Senseless Violins
THE SONG: (When I Kiss You) I Hear Charlie Parker Playing
Not gonna lie: it is hard for me to boil this album down to a single track. Every song off it deserves, individually, to be treated like the important song off this album. This is, canonically, the moment when Sparks works out what it means to be Sparks, and never looks back. Even if their real breakthrough sound still hasn't happened yet, somehow. Gee.
It's so hard to pinpoint just why this album's so killer. Break it down into parts, and it's not really doing anything different from Interior Design. But everything sparkles. It's all so grabby. In a slightly different universe, Sparks became one of the most famous EDM groups of all time; in this one, they remained Sparks. I like this universe just fine.
Not gonna lie: it is hard for me to boil this album down to a single track. Every song off it deserves, individually, to be treated like the important song off this album. This is, canonically, the moment when Sparks works out what it means to be Sparks, and never looks back. Even if their real breakthrough sound still hasn't happened yet, somehow. Gee.
It's so hard to pinpoint just why this album's so killer. Break it down into parts, and it's not really doing anything different from Interior Design. But everything sparkles. It's all so grabby. In a slightly different universe, Sparks became one of the most famous EDM groups of all time; in this one, they remained Sparks. I like this universe just fine.
1997: Plagiarism
THE SONG: Change
Ah fuck I spoiled this album, didn't I. No spoilers, Rory!!
God. It's so hard not to pick one of their duets with Faith No More here. If you know anything about Mike Patton—Jesus Christ what do you mean you don't know anything about Mike Patton—then you know that the thought of Mike Patton guesting on a Sparks cover is some kind of incredible. You're probably also realizing that Mike Patton must have listened to a lot of Sparks growing up, and whaddaya know, you'd be right!
But I can't not have the song here be "Change." There was no question in my mind. A few years from now, Sparks became best known for writing music that sounded more like classical minimalist composition than like any of the things Sparks were best known for writing; "Change" doesn't foreshadow that, but it certainly points to Sparks doing things with orchestral composition that go beyond the typical shit that bands with classical musicians try to pull.
Ah fuck I spoiled this album, didn't I. No spoilers, Rory!!
God. It's so hard not to pick one of their duets with Faith No More here. If you know anything about Mike Patton—Jesus Christ what do you mean you don't know anything about Mike Patton—then you know that the thought of Mike Patton guesting on a Sparks cover is some kind of incredible. You're probably also realizing that Mike Patton must have listened to a lot of Sparks growing up, and whaddaya know, you'd be right!
But I can't not have the song here be "Change." There was no question in my mind. A few years from now, Sparks became best known for writing music that sounded more like classical minimalist composition than like any of the things Sparks were best known for writing; "Change" doesn't foreshadow that, but it certainly points to Sparks doing things with orchestral composition that go beyond the typical shit that bands with classical musicians try to pull.
2000: Balls
THE SONG: Scheherazade
Balls is such an odd album. It's probably got Sparks' most refined rock/electronic production. They're all so tight. It's like they were dumping the last of their ideas from this era out, so they could move onto the lunacy that came next.
THINGS ABOUT SCHEHERAZADE THAT I'M A SUCKER FOR: That skipping harp loop; that weirdly bouncy not-quite-a-percussion-line synth.
Balls is such an odd album. It's probably got Sparks' most refined rock/electronic production. They're all so tight. It's like they were dumping the last of their ideas from this era out, so they could move onto the lunacy that came next.
THINGS ABOUT SCHEHERAZADE THAT I'M A SUCKER FOR: That skipping harp loop; that weirdly bouncy not-quite-a-percussion-line synth.
2002: Lil' Beethoven
THE SONG: How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall
God. God. Would I ever have discovered Sparks, were it not for Lil Beethoven? It is absolutely wild that they spent thirty years releasing endlessly* fantastic music, and I'm still tempted to say that you should throw out the whole of their catalogue before Lil Beethoven. It's that fucking good.
This is where Sparks synthesizes (heh) all the sounds that have come before it, laying them out like components in a classical composition. It's Philip Glass and it's Discovery-era Daft Punk and it's neither of those things. And somehow, even as they're inventing a brand-new way for music to sound—one that still feels inimitable!—they're radically transforming the way that they use words and language. The fascinating thing about Lil Beethoven is how it takes the concept of words and lines repeating endlessly, and finds ways of using those repetitions to introduce shades and inflections and meanings to those lines. Take "Carnegie Hall," which roots itself in a classic joke, strips the "joke" part away, adds a bit of mania and a bit of melancholy, and... gah!
You can take most Sparks songs past this point and write whole papers about how individual songs play with their lyrics. It's absolutely astounding. They're wizards.
God. God. Would I ever have discovered Sparks, were it not for Lil Beethoven? It is absolutely wild that they spent thirty years releasing endlessly* fantastic music, and I'm still tempted to say that you should throw out the whole of their catalogue before Lil Beethoven. It's that fucking good.
This is where Sparks synthesizes (heh) all the sounds that have come before it, laying them out like components in a classical composition. It's Philip Glass and it's Discovery-era Daft Punk and it's neither of those things. And somehow, even as they're inventing a brand-new way for music to sound—one that still feels inimitable!—they're radically transforming the way that they use words and language. The fascinating thing about Lil Beethoven is how it takes the concept of words and lines repeating endlessly, and finds ways of using those repetitions to introduce shades and inflections and meanings to those lines. Take "Carnegie Hall," which roots itself in a classic joke, strips the "joke" part away, adds a bit of mania and a bit of melancholy, and... gah!
You can take most Sparks songs past this point and write whole papers about how individual songs play with their lyrics. It's absolutely astounding. They're wizards.
2006: Hello Young Lovers
THE SONG: Perfume
FIRST THINGS FIRST: Hello Young Lovers has the best title/album cover combo of all time.
SECOND THINGS SECOND: Yes, it kills me that I'm not sharing "Dick Around." And yes, "Dick Around" is still absolutely mind-blowing.
THIRD THINGS FIRST: No, I'm not just sharing "Perfume" because Sparks performed it on Gilmore Girls. Crazy, though, right?
"Perfume" is maybe the perfect hybrid of old Sparks lyricism and new Sparks lyricism. Insanely particular lyrics, maybe one of the highest ratios of unique-and-unusual-words to words-total in any non-hip-hop song. Meticulously structured and patterned. And that one little departure, that one breakaway line that hints at just why this singer keeps naming women and the perfumes that they wear:
FIRST THINGS FIRST: Hello Young Lovers has the best title/album cover combo of all time.
SECOND THINGS SECOND: Yes, it kills me that I'm not sharing "Dick Around." And yes, "Dick Around" is still absolutely mind-blowing.
THIRD THINGS FIRST: No, I'm not just sharing "Perfume" because Sparks performed it on Gilmore Girls. Crazy, though, right?
"Perfume" is maybe the perfect hybrid of old Sparks lyricism and new Sparks lyricism. Insanely particular lyrics, maybe one of the highest ratios of unique-and-unusual-words to words-total in any non-hip-hop song. Meticulously structured and patterned. And that one little departure, that one breakaway line that hints at just why this singer keeps naming women and the perfumes that they wear:
The olfactory sense is the sense that most strongly evokes memories of the past.
Well, screw the past.
And don't even get me started on that fucking arrangement. An ex of mine, with whom I frequently clashed where musical taste was concerned, heard me playing this one day and went, "See, this is something I can get behind. I love electro-swing!" I wish we'd been married, just so I could have divorced her on the spot. Well, screw the past.
2008: Exotic Creatures of the Deep
THE SONG: (She Got Me) Pregnant
For a long time, I held that this was the absolute pinnacle of Sparks' songwriting. It's all so exquisitely refined. And so, so very deranged.
No album tortures me more with my need to reduce it down to a single track. Sorry, Gratuitous Sax. But, at the same time, there was only ever one option here. I can't even quote a single line off this song, because I will not be able to resist just regurgitating the whole thing. It is fucking insane that their music is this good. It's insane that any music is this good, but nobody who's been writing music since the early 70s should be able to write stuff this incredible in 2008. God damn.
For a long time, I held that this was the absolute pinnacle of Sparks' songwriting. It's all so exquisitely refined. And so, so very deranged.
No album tortures me more with my need to reduce it down to a single track. Sorry, Gratuitous Sax. But, at the same time, there was only ever one option here. I can't even quote a single line off this song, because I will not be able to resist just regurgitating the whole thing. It is fucking insane that their music is this good. It's insane that any music is this good, but nobody who's been writing music since the early 70s should be able to write stuff this incredible in 2008. God damn.
2009: The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman
THE SONG: Mr. Bergman, How Are You?
They fucking wrote a duet between a movie executive and his Swedish translator. For fuck's sake. The guitar solo in this makes me ecstatically happy, in the way that guitar solos sometimes do.
I feel bad for The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman, for being the Sparks musical that isn't Annette. Guy Maddin once claimed he was filming a version of it, and I think that that might be the greatest movie of all time, but as things stand, Annette exists as a movie and Seduction doesn't, and—perhaps because of that, and perhaps because "radio musical arrangement" just doesn't have the verve of "film musical arrangement"—this one doesn't fully hold up as just a series of songs. But if anyone can change that, Guy Maddin can. Holy shit, Guy Maddin. Can you imagine?
They fucking wrote a duet between a movie executive and his Swedish translator. For fuck's sake. The guitar solo in this makes me ecstatically happy, in the way that guitar solos sometimes do.
I feel bad for The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman, for being the Sparks musical that isn't Annette. Guy Maddin once claimed he was filming a version of it, and I think that that might be the greatest movie of all time, but as things stand, Annette exists as a movie and Seduction doesn't, and—perhaps because of that, and perhaps because "radio musical arrangement" just doesn't have the verve of "film musical arrangement"—this one doesn't fully hold up as just a series of songs. But if anyone can change that, Guy Maddin can. Holy shit, Guy Maddin. Can you imagine?
2010: Yoko Ono, "Give Me Something"
THE SONG: Give Me Something (Sparks Reinvention)
I would like it on the record that I've been a Yoko Ono fan since before it was cool to like Yoko Ono. I would also like it on the record that it is wildly funny to me that, in the 2010s, Yoko reinvented herself as a club music kind of lady and somehow had a string of hits. (For a while, her club music was outperforming Katy Perry, Robin Thicke, and Lady Gaga.) I love this for her.
Anyway, I'm not sure you can get a better pairing than Ono and Sparks.
I would like it on the record that I've been a Yoko Ono fan since before it was cool to like Yoko Ono. I would also like it on the record that it is wildly funny to me that, in the 2010s, Yoko reinvented herself as a club music kind of lady and somehow had a string of hits. (For a while, her club music was outperforming Katy Perry, Robin Thicke, and Lady Gaga.) I love this for her.
Anyway, I'm not sure you can get a better pairing than Ono and Sparks.
2015: The Final Derriere
THE SONG: The Final Derriere
What did I fucking tell you about Guy Maddin and Sparks? Let's move on.
(Guy Maddin please film Seduction, please)
What did I fucking tell you about Guy Maddin and Sparks? Let's move on.
(Guy Maddin please film Seduction, please)
2016: FFS
THE SONG: So Desu Ne
I know that Sparks didn't actually form FFS by kidnapping Franz Ferdinand and forcing them to perform as Sparks' back-up band, but isn't that such a funny image? In any case, what a delightful combo.
I have listened to this album more than I've listened to anything else that Sparks has ever done. It's unbelievably addictive. I have a playlist of individual songs that I can play on repeat for hours without getting sick and tired of them; about 70% of FFS is on that playlist. It's propulsive.
This was technically their first album since Exotic Creatures of the Deep, which felt like the pinnacle of their semi-classical composition era (if you'd like to call it that.) FFS inverts the formula: it's stripped-down, no-nonsense rock with machine-tooled precision. If Apple manufactured bops instead of laptops, Apple would have manufactured this album. It's a bop!!
I know that Sparks didn't actually form FFS by kidnapping Franz Ferdinand and forcing them to perform as Sparks' back-up band, but isn't that such a funny image? In any case, what a delightful combo.
I have listened to this album more than I've listened to anything else that Sparks has ever done. It's unbelievably addictive. I have a playlist of individual songs that I can play on repeat for hours without getting sick and tired of them; about 70% of FFS is on that playlist. It's propulsive.
This was technically their first album since Exotic Creatures of the Deep, which felt like the pinnacle of their semi-classical composition era (if you'd like to call it that.) FFS inverts the formula: it's stripped-down, no-nonsense rock with machine-tooled precision. If Apple manufactured bops instead of laptops, Apple would have manufactured this album. It's a bop!!
2017: I Wish You Were Fun
THE SONG: I Wish You Were Fun
I'm going to break my own rule and say: look, I've got to mention Bummer here too. It's extraordinary. An absolute masterpiece of tightly-woven songwriting, telling way more of a story in four minutes than feels even halfway plausible.
But "I Wish You Were Fun" is a perfect song. It is casually, effortlessly perfect. If there's a knock against Sparks, it's that their songs often reek of intent and effort: it's hard to listen to them and not notice the construction at work. This song is an exception: it's the sound of people who are masters at basically everything to do with making music lobbing a slow pitch perfectly over the plate. It should be hung in museums.
This was genuinely my Couple Song with an ex. If you are that specific ex, I promise you that you and you alone were the person who I shared this song with. Even if we should maybe have paused, in between singing this to each other on the street, and asked whether this was truly a healthy song to be a couple around. Also, I'm sorry for things.
I'm going to break my own rule and say: look, I've got to mention Bummer here too. It's extraordinary. An absolute masterpiece of tightly-woven songwriting, telling way more of a story in four minutes than feels even halfway plausible.
But "I Wish You Were Fun" is a perfect song. It is casually, effortlessly perfect. If there's a knock against Sparks, it's that their songs often reek of intent and effort: it's hard to listen to them and not notice the construction at work. This song is an exception: it's the sound of people who are masters at basically everything to do with making music lobbing a slow pitch perfectly over the plate. It should be hung in museums.
This was genuinely my Couple Song with an ex. If you are that specific ex, I promise you that you and you alone were the person who I shared this song with. Even if we should maybe have paused, in between singing this to each other on the street, and asked whether this was truly a healthy song to be a couple around. Also, I'm sorry for things.
2020: A Steady Drip, Drip, Drip
THE SONG: Lawnmower
If you don't listen to this song and immediately go, "Ah, yes, Sparks," I don't know what to tell you. I feel bad even writing about this one. What's there to say? It's a song called "Lawnmower," about a lawnmower. It is somehow also about relationship strife, but in a fun way. It feels like a song that must have always existed.
It is very funny to me that, after mentioning that his girlfriend has given him a "your lawnmower or me" ultimatum—already very funny!—the singer just never mentions his girlfriend again. Instead, he mentions his lawnmower. Sparks would be the Shel Silverstein of our era if they weren't busy being the Sparks of our era instead.
If you don't listen to this song and immediately go, "Ah, yes, Sparks," I don't know what to tell you. I feel bad even writing about this one. What's there to say? It's a song called "Lawnmower," about a lawnmower. It is somehow also about relationship strife, but in a fun way. It feels like a song that must have always existed.
It is very funny to me that, after mentioning that his girlfriend has given him a "your lawnmower or me" ultimatum—already very funny!—the singer just never mentions his girlfriend again. Instead, he mentions his lawnmower. Sparks would be the Shel Silverstein of our era if they weren't busy being the Sparks of our era instead.
2021: Annette
THE SONG: She's Out of This World
Hey, remember when I watched Annette and literally couldn't stop writing about Annette? Remember when I just kept going?
Annette! Man. It is crazy how, in 1972, Sparks was allowed into a recording studio and immediately whipped out "Roger," and then, in 2021, Sparks was allowed into a movie and immediately whipped out Annette. Such maniacs!
On a pure songwriting standpoint, Annette is beyond inspired. Such sounds! Such incredible sounds! But I'm not sure if anything quite captures the feeling of Annette like these women and one man singing a baby out of Academy Award winner Marion Cotillard. This was a Couple Song for me too, somehow. Please don't ask.
Hey, remember when I watched Annette and literally couldn't stop writing about Annette? Remember when I just kept going?
Annette! Man. It is crazy how, in 1972, Sparks was allowed into a recording studio and immediately whipped out "Roger," and then, in 2021, Sparks was allowed into a movie and immediately whipped out Annette. Such maniacs!
On a pure songwriting standpoint, Annette is beyond inspired. Such sounds! Such incredible sounds! But I'm not sure if anything quite captures the feeling of Annette like these women and one man singing a baby out of Academy Award winner Marion Cotillard. This was a Couple Song for me too, somehow. Please don't ask.
2023: The Girl is Crying in Her Latte
THE SONG: Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is
There are two types of Sparks music videos: there are the ones that are genuinely, astonishingly good, and then there are the ones that are silly and whimsical and cute and just a little kitschy. Of the two music videos they've released for their upcoming album—out May 26th!—this is a terrific example of the former, and this is a solid example of the latter. Both songs are bangers, and this album's gonna be a good'un.
51 years! What a preposterous amount of time. Listen to Sparks if you are ever looking for a good time, especially involving ears. Enjoy your day!
There are two types of Sparks music videos: there are the ones that are genuinely, astonishingly good, and then there are the ones that are silly and whimsical and cute and just a little kitschy. Of the two music videos they've released for their upcoming album—out May 26th!—this is a terrific example of the former, and this is a solid example of the latter. Both songs are bangers, and this album's gonna be a good'un.
51 years! What a preposterous amount of time. Listen to Sparks if you are ever looking for a good time, especially involving ears. Enjoy your day!