THE SEDUCTIVE PULL OF SOCIAL NORMS
Most of the time, conforming to a group feels natural, not forced. We all want to feel part of something.
- If you grow up in a community that values athletic prowess, becoming an athlete would seem like a compelling choice.
- If you're in a workplace where everyone values continuous learning, you might find yourself enrolling in extra courses or seminars.
- If your circle of friends has a tradition of weekend hiking, you'll feel motivated to join, so you're part of the shared experience.
WHY IT MATTERS: The culture we live in determines which behaviors are attractive to us. And behaviors are attractive when they help us fit in.
GO DEEPER: We imitate the habits of three groups in particular
- The close
- The many
- The powerful
Every group provides a chance to apply the 2nd Law of Behavior Change, thereby making our habits more appealing.
IMITATING THE CLOSE
We pick up habits from the people around us. We copy the way our parents handle arguments, the way our peers flirt with one another, the way our coworkers get results. When your friends start purchasing expensive clothes, you give it a try, too. Why? Because that’s what “we” do. People like us do things like this.
As a general rule, the closer we are to someone, the more likely we are to imitate some of their habits. Of course, peer pressure is bad only if you’re surrounded by bad influences.
We soak up the qualities and practices of those around us. Our friends and family provide a sort of invisible peer pressure that pulls us in their direction.
One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day. Your culture sets your expectation for what is “normal.” Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together...
Join a culture where
- your desired behavior is the normal behavior and
- you already have something in common with the group
Previously, you were on your own. Your identity was singular. You are a reader. You are a musician. You are an athlete. When you join a book club or a band or a cycling group, your identity becomes linked to those around you. Growth and change is no longer an individual pursuit. We are readers. We are musicians. We are cyclists. The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity. This is why remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to maintaining your habits. It’s friendship and community that embed a new identity and help behaviors last over the long run.
IMITATING THE MANY
The normal behavior of the tribe often overpowers the desired behavior of the individual.
Humans are similar. There is tremendous internal pressure to comply with the norms of the group. The reward of being accepted is often greater than the reward of winning an argument, looking smart, or finding truth. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.
The human mind knows how to get along with others. It wants to get along with others. This is our natural mode. You can override it—you can choose to ignore the group or to stop caring what other people think—but it takes work. Running against the grain of your culture requires extra effort.
When changing your habits means challenging the tribe, change is unattractive.
When changing your habits means fitting in with the tribe, change is very attractive...
IMITATING THE POWERFUL
Humans everywhere pursue power, prestige, and status. We want pins and medallions on our jackets. We want President or Partner in our titles. We want to be acknowledged, recognized, and praised.
We are drawn to behaviors that earn us respect, approval, admiration, and status. We want to be the one in the gym who can do muscle-ups or the musician who can play the hardest chord progressions or the parent with the most accomplished children because these things separate us from the crowd. Once we fit in, we start looking for ways to stand out.
This is why we value the habits of highly effective people.
We seek to emulate successful individuals, motivated by our own aspirations for success.
Many of our daily habits mirror those of people we admire.
- We adopt the investing strategies of financial gurus.
- We follow fitness routines from our favorite athletes.
- We follow recipes from our favorite baker.
- We mirror the leadership style of our mentors.
We often mimic those we envy.
We are also motivated to avoid behaviors that would lower our status.
- We trim our hedges and mow our lawn because we don’t want to be the slob of the neighborhood.
- When our mother comes to visit, we clean up the house because we don’t want to be judged.
- We are continually wondering “What will others think of me?” and altering our behavior based on the answer...
IN SUMMARY: Our power to imitate is a tool that can be used to our advantage. By consciously choosing to emulate those who are successful and embody the habits we wish to cultivate, we can navigate our path towards personal growth and achievement. Remember, it's not about copying every single aspect, but rather, becoming an apprentice to the beneficial habits and strategies that align with our personal goals. Harness the power of imitation wisely, and you will find yourself stepping into a powerful version of you.
more tomorrow,
Hunter