In life, there are two sets of virtues: Résumé Virtues and Eulogy Virtues.
RÉSUMÉ VIRTUES: are the skills you bring to the marketplace.
EULOGY VIRTUES: are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?
WHY IT MATTERS: It's easy to claim that eulogy virtues are more important than resume ones, but it's challenging to embody this in everyday life. Why? Well, it’s not the water we swim in. Our culture and educational systems often prioritize teaching the skills and strategies needed for career success over cultivating the qualities of the soul. As a result, many of us have a clearer understanding of how to build an external career rather than how to develop inner character.
If you live solely for external achievement, years may pass without exploring and nurturing the deepest parts of yourself. Without a moral vocabulary, it's easy to fall into complacent moral mediocrity. You may grade yourself on a forgiving curve, assuming that as long as you're not causing apparent harm and are well-liked, you're doing fine. However, this can lead to a subtle sense of boredom, a detachment from life's deepest meanings and highest moral joys. Over time, a disheartening gap may emerge between your actual self and the person you aspire to be.
GO DEEPER: It's incredibly easy to waste our lives. As social critic Neil Postman termed it, "amusing ourselves to death" has become more accessible than ever. One can get lost in the endless stream of Netflix, obsessively pursue wealth or fame, or constantly refresh their social media feed to see what's new. Western culture, arguably, is built around denying mortality through distractions. As Ronald Rolheiser notes, "We are distracting ourselves into spiritual oblivion."
Here is an undeniable reality: we all will eventually die. When that day comes and your friends and family stand around your grave, the most important thing will be the person you became.
A useful approach to living with the end in mind is to focus on your eulogy rather than your résumé. This encourages you not to waste your limited time on trivialities, but to prioritize what truly matters in the grand scheme of eternity — becoming a person of love through union with Jesus.
ACTIVATION: Take some time to fill out your Eulogy Virtues. Set aside 30 minutes to an hour to complete the following categories.
If you were invisible and could attend your own funeral, what would you want the attendees to say or do?
- YOUR FAMILY: Your spouse and kids. I hope that the people in my life who know me best would respect me the most. Most people only see the tip of the iceberg of your life. How would your family describe the parts the world never got to see?
- YOUR PARENTS: If your parents were to describe what was most important to you, what would you want them to say?
- YOUR FOLLOWING: What would you like them to say you taught or instilled in them? What was your life’s message?
- YOUR FRIENDS: How would your friends describe their experience of being around you? What stories are they sharing with people about your shared adventures?
- GOD: Imagine you're watching your funeral alongside God. You glance over and see Him smiling. What is He's smiling at?
- YOU: What do you want to see happen? What evidence would you see in front of you that showcases that you lived out your eulogy virtues?
more tomorrow,
Hunter