Your "should" thoughts are holding you hostage.
"I should start working out again."
"I should call my mom more often."
"We should really take that trip before the kids leave for college."
"I should start the business."
"I should be reading more."
Every time one of these thoughts crosses your mind, you feel it. That little sting of guilt. That reminder that you're not doing something you think you ought to be doing.
But here's what's actually happening: You're carrying emotional debt without ever deciding to take out the loan.
Think about it: When you take out a real loan, you make a conscious decision. You agree to the terms. You know the payment schedule. You understand what you're getting and what it will cost.
But with "should" thoughts, you somehow ended up with all the burden—the guilt, the mental weight, the constant reminder that you owe something—without ever agreeing to the terms. You never decided to carry this obligation. It just appeared on your emotional credit report one day and started accumulating interest.
The worst part? You can't even remember signing up for most of these debts. When did you agree that not working out should make you feel guilty every morning? When did you decide that postponing that business idea should weigh on you during every quiet moment?
You didn't. These "shoulds" are loans you never applied for, with interest rates you never agreed to, creating payments you can't afford to make.
The Real Problem With "Should"
"Should" is the language of obligation without ownership.
When you say "I should work out," you're acknowledging that fitness matters to you. But you're not taking responsibility for what you're actually going to do about it.
It's like having a bill you never pay but never throw away either. It just sits there, accumulating interest in the form of guilt, shame, and that nagging sense that you're always behind on your own life.
The weight you feel isn't from having these thoughts.
It's from letting them live in limbo.
What "Should" Really Costs You
I've been carrying around the "should" of writing a book for three years.
Every time someone asks about it, I feel that familiar knot in my stomach. Every time I see another business book launch, there's that voice: "You should have finished yours by now."
But here's what I realized: I wasn't feeling guilty about not writing a book. I was feeling guilty about not making a decision about writing a book.
That "should" was taking up mental real estate, creating phantom guilt, and making me feel like I was constantly disappointing myself—all without ever actually deciding what I wanted to do.
Your "should" thoughts are expensive.
They cost you energy, clarity, and peace of mind. And they give you nothing in return.
The Should Decision Matrix
Every "should" that crosses your mind deserves exactly 30 seconds of your attention. Not 30 days of guilt. Not 30 weeks of wondering. 30 seconds of decision-making.
Here's how:
Option 1: Yes - Move from "Should" to "Will"
If this actually matters to you, stop shoulding and start planning.
If this actually matters to you, stop shoulding and start planning.
- "I should work out" becomes "I will work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 6am"
- "We should travel more" becomes "We will book that Europe trip by March 15th"
- "I should call mom more" becomes "I will call mom every Sunday at 4pm"
The moment you attach a specific plan to a "should," it transforms from guilt into commitment.
Option 2: No - Consciously Release It
If it's not actually important enough to plan for, stop carrying it around.
This is the option most people are afraid to choose. We think saying "no" to a "should" makes us bad people.
But here's the truth: Deciding "no" isn't failure—it's honesty.
Maybe you don't actually want to start that side business. Maybe reading more isn't really a priority right now. Maybe that home renovation project can wait another year.
Own it. Release it. Stop feeling guilty about things you've consciously chosen not to prioritize.
Option 3: Later - Park It with a Date
Some "shoulds" matter, but not right now.
Don't let them create current guilt for future priorities.
- "I should learn Spanish" becomes "I'll revisit learning Spanish in January 2026"
- "We should redo the kitchen" becomes "Kitchen renovation discussion scheduled for summer 2025"
- "I should get my MBA" becomes "MBA research planned for fall when kids are older"
Put it on a calendar. Set a reminder. Then forget about it until the scheduled time.
The 30-Second Rule
Here's how this works in practice:
The next time a "should" thought pops up, give yourself 30 seconds to decide:
- Is this important enough to plan for right now? If yes, make a specific commitment.
- Am I willing to release this without guilt? If yes, consciously let it go.
- Is this a future priority that needs parking? If yes, schedule when you'll revisit it.
Then move on.
No lingering. No guilt. No carrying it around for months.
That's the real power of this framework is that it doesn't just organize your priorities—it frees you from fake guilt.
Your Next 30 Seconds
Right now, you probably have at least three "shoulds" taking up space in your head.
Pick one. Apply the matrix. Make a decision.
Yes, no, or later.
Then notice how different it feels to have a decision instead of a "should."
Because the life you actually want isn't built on things you think you should do.
It's built on things you decide to do.
Stop carrying guilt for decisions you haven't made.
Make the decision. Then get back to living.