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Life is a tapestry woven from experiences, traditions, beliefs, and moments that shape who we are. As I sit down to share my decision to leave Christianity and embrace Islam, I am filled with a mix of emotions — gratitude for my past, uncertainty about the future, and a profound sense of purpose in my new path. This decision did not come lightly; it followed a series of heartfelt reflections, sleepless nights, and an earnest search for meaning transcending tradition and dogma.

Those who have been a part of the Believers in Exile Substack community for a while will likely remember an article similar to this. At the end of June 2024, I took my shahada, the Islamic declaration of faith, and one of the Five Pillars of Islam. I felt joy, excitement, and gratitude when I took my shahada. I especially loved that a Muslim woman guided me as I took my shahada, and my wife and kids were present. I felt an overwhelming gratitude as if I might burst with joy. I wanted to share my new spiritual journey with as many friends and family members as possible. To spread the news immediately, I wrote an article for my Substack community and posted about my shahada on social media.

In hindsight, I was incredibly naive to think I would receive encouragement and support from my Christian friends and family. Mind you, some were genuinely supportive and publicly celebrated with me. The majority, however, were a spectrum of disappointed to furious. In many people’s eyes, I was apostatizing, backsliding, and embracing a false religion. In the minds of these folks, how could they celebrate my public announcement betraying Christ, rejecting the ‘truth of the gospel,’ and condemning myself to an eternity in hell?

Due to my insecurity and the pushback I received, I retracted my decision. I took down my article, wrote a follow-up apologizing, removed my Shahada video, and pretended this was a big accident.

To honor my family, I briefly returned to church. While my wife supports my journey, she prefers a shared faith. I attempted to reconnect with Christianity for family unity. Since June, we have joined a local church. However, I found myself disconnected from the services. The familiar liturgy no longer resonated with my evolving beliefs. Throughout this period, I continued exploring Islam privately. I maintained my Islamic studies and practices, including salat, while internally navigating my spiritual path.

For five months, I’ve strived to love Christianity and the church like I once did. But the harder I tried, the more I felt in my heart that the love I once had was gone. To be clear, I still love Jesus very much. Many of the views I’ve come to believe about the historical Jesus organically align with Islamic beliefs. I hope to share the experiences and insights that guided me to this transformative decision in this article. It is an invitation to understand my journey and celebrate the beauty of seeking truth, regardless of where it may lead us.

For close to a year now, I have gone back and forth about embracing Islam so many times that I have lost count. I legitimately don’t remember how many times I’ve told my wife and kids, “It’s time. I’m going to become Muslim,” to then entirely back out a few days later.

The question on top of everyone’s mind when I mention my contemplating becoming a Muslim is, “Why?” There are so many whys I’ve been asked or personally wrestled with:

For the last year, I have owned all these in my heart and mind. Though I won’t answer the questions above specifically, I do want to share my why in the broad sense. My hope is that sharing my thought process and reasoning will help others grapple with their own spiritual journeys.

In the sections below, I have broken down my reasons for embracing Islam into three categories:

Each area describes a different aspect of my life where I experienced a pull toward Islam. For those asking, “What do you mean by a pull toward Islam?” I wish I had better language to explain this feeling. The best I can muster is that there has been a constant pull in my heart and mind toward the Muslim world and Islam. There is nothing within me that believes Christianity is inferior or wrong or that Islam is the only path to God. I think and still do that God is far bigger than any religious tradition. For any religion to believe they have a monopoly on God is an act of hubris on that religion’s part. It also makes God far too small as it is a way of trying to put God in a cultural and historical box of a single tradition. That being said, I genuinely hope my explanations below will help provide context that adequately demonstrates this spiritual pull in different areas of my life.

The events of October 7th, 2023, when Hamas attacked Israel, caused a seismic shift in global politics and my worldview. Initially, my Zionist-influenced Christian background led me to side with Israel, viewing the conflict through a religious lens that tied the fate of God’s word to the Jewish occupation of the promised land. However, a visit to a local synagogue for a Shabbat service shortly after the attack unexpectedly challenged my perspective. The stark contrast between the progressive atmosphere I had previously experienced and the nationalistic tone of this post-attack service prompted me to delve deeper into the complex history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This journey of discovery not only reshaped my understanding of the situation but also marked the beginning of a profound change in my spiritual outlook.

My experience at the synagogue shifted dramatically from my initial visit to the one following October 7th. Initially, I found a progressive, welcoming atmosphere with female rabbis and LGBTQ+ support. However, when I returned with my family after the Hamas attack, the mood had changed significantly. The service, led by the associate Rabbi, took on a fiery, nationalistic tone that left my wife and me shocked and uncomfortable. The stark contrast between the two visits was jarring, transforming what I had perceived as an open-minded religious space into something that felt eerily similar to extremist propaganda. This unexpected shift left us both unsettled and reluctant to return, prompting me to question my assumptions about the synagogue and its stance on current events.

So many emotions and thoughts flooded through me and lingered for days. I asked myself questions like, Aren’t the Palestinians supposed to be the extremists? Aren’t Israel the victims and good guys here? Isn’t this synagogue progressive? If all these things are true, why on earth do I feel like I was inadvertently part of a nationalist convention from the mid-twentieth century?

This event took me on a research journey to learn about the history between Israel and Palestine starting in the late 19th century. This post is not about this topic, but based on my research, I will say that the authority of the Bible and the trustworthiness of God have nothing to do with this conflict.

The Jewish people’s settlement in Palestine is a result of complex historical factors, including European anti-semitism, nationalism, and the Holocaust, rather than solely religious reasons. While the Palestinian people were not responsible for these factors, they have borne the brunt of the consequences, enduring immense hardship that has inspired admiration for their resilience and drawn attention to their plight.

Significant theological shifts and personal growth marked my journey from traditional Christianity to Islam. As an “eclectic” Christian, I had already begun to question many fundamentalist beliefs. This period of deconstruction led me to feel closer to God but also resulted in pushback from my Christian community.

As my views evolved, I encountered growing rejection from the friends I once held dear. This experience prompted me to explore other religious traditions in search of a community better aligned with my beliefs about God and justice. While Buddhism provided valuable spiritual insights, it ultimately did not fully resonate with my faith in a personal God.

Islam attracted me with its emphasis on the oneness of God and commitment to social justice. As I researched, my preconceptions about Muhammad (PBUH) and Islamic teachings changed. The plight of the Palestinian people also reshaped my perspective on Muslim communities.

I found a spiritual home in Islam where my evolving theology aligned naturally. The sense of community and shared values resonated deeply with me. Through conversations with Muslims and personal study, my reservations about Islamic history and teachings dissolved. This journey has led me to a place where I feel challenged and fulfilled, embracing a faith that speaks to my convictions about God and justice in the world.

Reflecting on all that I experienced as a pastor, what I put my family through as a husband and father, and personally as a Christian, I am convinced what we call the ‘church’ is nothing close to what Jesus envisioned.

What I have found in Islam is a fresh start. I have seen people who, like me, are passionate about the oneness of God. I have found a community that emphasizes the good of the community over the individual. I have found a place where my life and experiences don’t make me “other” in a religion made up predominantly of affluence and whiteness. I know it’s not perfect, and there are sacrifices and losses that I am just starting to experience because of this decision. But I stand by my conviction that this is where God has led me. Islam is now my home.

As I begin this transformative journey from Christianity to Islam, I am imbued with the profound beauty of embracing the unknown and transcending familiar boundaries. This path has unfolded with introspection, challenge, and ultimate fulfillment. By sharing my story, I aspire to inspire others to explore their beliefs and celebrate the rich tapestry of diverse faiths and perspectives shaping our world. Let us engage with love, compassion, and understanding, appreciating how our varied spiritual journeys enrich our individual lives and our shared humanity. Together, let us nurture an environment where love conquers fear, acceptance and kindness steer our interactions, and continually uplift one another in our pursuit of truth, meaning, and spiritual fulfillment.

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