Jordan Ogren

November 16, 2021

Avoid jargon and feature-baked copy <> CR05

I love giving gifts. Nothing puts a smile on my face more than handing someone something I curated for them. 

Do you mean picked out? No. I curated the gift!

Anyways, today's content rewrite is a LinkedIn ad. This ad is from &Open. They describe themselves as "The world's first happiness platform. We gift at scale from brands to people around the world."

What I like is the on-brand design (check out their website), the short copy (2 sentences), and the use of their name in the CTA ("{&}And Open up better gifting.")

What I would change is the use of jargon + feature baked words ("Thoughtful curation" and "automated sending"), I would narrow the copy to one meta-message to one persona, and finally, I would make the CTA is a soft-CTA rather than a hard-CTA ("Sign up").

Here is my take on writing a better ad:

The first change is to call out who the ad is for. &Open helps marketers, brand teams, and CX teams improve loyalty. So I picked CX to target.

The second change is to address the need upfront (i.e., "...thinking about gifting your customers?"). Usually, this is a pain (e.g., Tired of wasting money on ads?" but you can also attack a latent pain (e.g., having to send hundreds of gifts to customers during the holiday season).

The third change was to add social proof. On &Open's website, they boast about working with WeWork, Calm, and Airbnb. Why not pull that out in the ad? Here would be a great place to get even more specific (e.g., "We helped Nike's CX team improve loyalty by 150% in under 3 months").

The final change is substituting in a soft-CTA. A fourteen-day free trial without a credit card is the lowest friction you can get unless you redirect them to a content asset. Asking someone to "sign-up" is ambiguous and could push some away. Get specific and tell them what you want them to do ("Take er' for a spin").



While this ad is better than average, making a few minor tweaks would vastly change the ROI. But maybe it works better being ambiguous and curiosity invoking 🤷🏼‍♂️.

What do you think? Would the changes I propose make this ad better? 

Let me know your thoughts!

🧠 + ❤️ // JO