Jordan Ogren

May 19, 2021

Boring beginnings don’t get finished 😴 <> Workshop Wednesday

On May 19th, I am writing this email to you.

I am going to present a rewrite of an advertisement I saw on LinkedIn.

“Can you get on with it already?” — You (the reader).

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read that open with something like the above.

They start with the details rather than something that makes the article worth reading.

Ads are no different.

They begin with things that are either unneeded or could be buried within the content. 

And that’s what today’s ad-rewrite focuses on: Starting with the action and then leading to the important information.

What I like (Assent)
  • The creative (the visual) is eye-appealing and straightforward
  • They use 86% instead of a generic claim (“most B2B buyers love this content”)
  • Use the logo of Content Marketing Institute, which will catch the eye of content marketers

What I dislike (Dissent)
  • The opening could put an insomniac to sleep
  • They bury the benefit in the middle (“Increase marketing content effectiveness”)
  • Too many C’s in the link (Conquer Common Content Creation Challenges) 🤮

Here’s how I’d improve this ad:


What did I change?
  • Targeted the reader persona right away (B2B marketers)
  • Listed the problem (pain point) “making content B2B buyers don’t want
  • Put the 2021 research part deeper in the content
  • Explicitly stated whom the report was done with (Content Marketing Institute)

When creating content, organic or paid, you need to hook the reader.

Sometimes that might be with the boring stuff like when the report was done or whom it was created with. But usually, it’s not.

The start of your ad (content) needs to hook them to read the following line and then the next.

“2021 Research” does anything BUT make me want to read further. So I scroll on. 

Never realizing as a B2B marketer, this content is designed for me.

To make this week’s ad-rewrite even more fun, I want your help.

I went through Foleon’s ads and found that they are running two variants promoting this report. The second is waaaaay better.

And I want you to pick whether my rewrite beat their better version of this ad.

Reply and let me know which ad (A or B) you think is better.
Be honest!

🧠 // JO