Jordan Ogren

October 20, 2021

LinkedIn success ≠ marketing success <> Content Rewrite (CR02)

Today’s content rewrite is from someone you might know. 

She is a LinkedIn powerhouse. She is exquisite on video. And does an excellent job writing copy.

But when I went to check out her website and sign up for her newsletter, I was baffled.

Maybe she was in a rush and built the landing page quickly. I get that.

But when you’re trying to be an “influencer” or “thought leader,” you need to have your shit together, everywhere.

First, let’s look at the signup page:

Quick side note: NEVER call your newsletter, podcast, or video series your name. It’s lazy, and some people will perceive you as a pompous ass.

The first thing I would do is add a clear answer to “What do I get when I click the subscribe button?” 

For my daily email, that’s case studies, stories, and answers to community questions to help improve HOW you think about marketing.

Your copy needs to ensure the soon-to-be subscriber understands what they are gaining from subscribing. This will be the deciding factor for many.

Second, I would delete the phone number and first name boxes (you could keep the first name, I guess). You only need their email address (for a newsletter) and can learn more about them as they engage with your content.

Why is deleting the phone number field my number 2 edit? 

“37% of people will abandon a form asking for their phone number, unless the field is optional, which nearly doubles completions.” (From WPForms)

That means 4 out of 10 people will leave the page simply because you want their cell number, and for what purpose do you want it? Maybe more people would stay and fill the form out if there was a reason for the phone number.

Regardless, this landing page makes two egregious mistakes that limit signups.

I am not going to rewrite this one for two reasons: (1) I do not have enough info on what her newsletter is about to write good copy, (2) I do not want to spend the time researching her USP to put here (yea, I’m lazy).

Marketeer Insights ⚔️
  • Use the power of language and your company strategy to name your podcast (The Future of Marketing is a good title, while the Jordan Ogren Experience is not)
  • Have a clear answer in your headline or subline for “What will I gain/get from joining?” (This could be your overall USP or a specific USP for the newsletter)
  • Put your personality into the writing (If they covered your logo, would it sound any different than your competitor?)

While I have mad respect for Shay and what she has done on LinkedIn with video, I believe making the edits I explain above would improve her conversions for the newsletter.

Regardless, I’m happy another influencer realizes the futile state of social media and is taking her audience OFFLINE.

Maybe you should try building an offline content asset that builds a true tribe. It’s what I’m doing here 😎

🧠 + ❤️ // JO