Jordan Ogren

March 1, 2022

Love is still in the air. <> Conten Rewrite 012

What better way to bring back ad rewrites than to use one from a subscriber. This is a first, which makes me even more excited.

Lucas, a realtor, reached out to me to get my brief thoughts on an ad he is running in his local market. I'm excited to share my thoughts and see what you think and learn.

Valentine's Day ad.jpg

Who: Multi State Realty is Lucas' company that sells homes in the Iron Mountain, Michigan region.

What he is selling: His guidance on buying a house

What I like about this ad:
  • It's different from most real estate ads you see online. Very different, one might say.
  • Fun copy that reads better than most robotic copy on ads
  • The CTA (Call or text) is clear and not hidden

What I would change about this ad:
  • Make the headline stand out more. Lonely & depressed this Valentine's? And it should be on one line.
  • Improve the architecture of the art (creative) for the ad. It all hits me at once. Some examples would be making the logo in the bottom right smaller, removing a few hearts, and removing the heart from the "&."
  • Remove Lucas' head on cupid's body. I would push the limits, but I think that is too far

Here are my changes to the copy to try and improve this ad:

Headline: In need of some love this Valentine's?

Copy: I can't help. I'm a realtor. But I can help you with something else...
I'm the perfect matchmaker to help you buy or sell your home. Just give cupid a call.

CTA: Call or text 906-458-1483

My first change is to have "In need of some love" as the headline instead of lonely and depressed. I think it is more descriptive and could relate to more people, or they would at least be willing to admit to needing more love. I also made the headline one line and removed the "&" as it was a hiccup when reading.

My second change is to write the copy in a way that keeps you reading to find out what I can help you with. So, for example, rather than put "buying or selling a home?" in the second line, I bury that deeper and hint at it with, "But I can help you with something else..."

My third change is to tie in the cupid connection more (if Lucas' head is still on cupid's body). "I'm the perfect matchmaker" ties into cupid being the mythological matchmaker and to what he is selling: "buying or selling your home."

To ensure you leave this rewrite with some practical takeaways, here are a few I have:
  • Be different, not better. Rather than making a better ad with sexier models, Lucas went for a different approach.
  • Always make sure the headline is on point. That is worth more than your entire ad.
  • The architecture of the art is essential to guide the reader to where you want them to go first.

Overall, I applaud Lucas for being different and am excited to see the results of him running this ad.
What are your thoughts on this wild ad?

🧠 + ❤️ // JO