Today's Content Rewrite is the home page for Taxi for Email.
I've never heard of this company, but essentially they help Transform how your team creates marketing emails.
Okay, so it's about collaboration, efficiency, and smoothing out your email creation process.
So, what does their home page say when you land on it?
Is this a Trump-backed company? (Make Email Campaigns Great Again!)
Seriously though, this headline doesn't say much. Don't most email softwares help you make great emails?
The byline is where it slightly touches on its uniqueness. "Collaborative, scalable email production for brand and agency teams. Send with your current email platform."
One thing I would keep is that it directly states WHO it helps (brand and agency teams). This is great to put on your homepage as it will be a filter for prospects.
One thing I would change is the moving background. Videos on homepages were in 2018 and are going out of style quickly.
I prefer a white or black background with someone throwing a paper airplane (email) to team members signifying the collaboration (Can you tell I'm not a designer? Lol).
Now, let's see how I would rewrite this homepage:
I believe the main benny (benefit) for Taxi is getting emails sent quicker— Collaboration within the software is the enabler behind this.
If what I wrote above is true, I want the byline to double down on the main benny. I believe using someone else's words works wonders here.
"Take your process from 4 days to 4 hours." That's something I can visualize. That's a benny that would get me to buy if my pain was extended times to produce and send emails.
The original fails to show you how it will speed up your process. It tells you "Collaborative, scalable email production" but never touches on the outcome of this. They leave the copy as junky jargon while failing to show the benny in action.
My final edit was to make the last sentence more personal:
Old: "Send with your current email platform" = 🤖 (robot)
Revised: "You don't even need to change email platforms..." = 👱🏽♀️ (human)
When you write like a person, people will read your copy/content like someone was speaking to them—that's the goal with writing.
Marketeer Insights ⚔️
- Don't tell me what your business does. Show me through results or outcomes.
- Deeply understand the jobs your product or service is used for to get more specific on the bennies you share.
- Write like a human, not a robot. Tip = Record yourself speaking and edit that for your copy.
Do you think my rewrite is better than the original or worse? Hit reply and tell me why!
🧠 + ❤️ // JO