Jordan Ogren

March 11, 2022

Why do we do this when we know it brings suffering?

Why do we do things that we know have the potential to destroy us?

I’m not talking about cheating on your spouse or doing drugs.

I’m talking about something we all do:

Loving someone.

Some people­–that we love–are in our lives, and we don’t have much choice over it (i.e., parents or siblings). But others we intentionally choose to open our hearts to and love.

A partner, a dear friend, or a pet, for example.

We choose to love them, knowing that it may (likely will) result in pain. Whether when they die, leave us, or move away, we will experience suffering.

Love invites suffering to the table.

Few “loves” do not result in pain.

Why then do we still do it?

Why not live as hermits and have few attachments? That would minimize the suffering we experience. But it would also limit something more important:

The joy, peace, and happiness that only love can bring. 

When we avoid love–out of fear of suffering–we also avoid those three things.

To experience life’s most incredible experiences, we also open ourselves to feel life’s most significant pain.

It’s a tradeoff. But I believe it’s worth it.

As Katie and I continue to build our life together and fall deeper into love, I can’t help but think about life without her. If she passes away first, I will be devasted.

But the love we’ve shared is more potent than the suffering that will arise from her being gone. 

The same is true for my cat Elio (and was true for Evee before she passed). The love forged from relationships is far greater than the pain that comes in their absence.

Have you ever thought about this strange dynamic and life truth?

How do you still love someone knowing that pain and suffering could (most likely will) be on the other side?

🧠 + ❤️ // JO