James Musson

March 14, 2021

Taking Responsibility

Why are you apologising?

For a number of reasons, this week has taken an emotional toll on me. Part of this is because of my job, in which I work shifts including nights. But part of this is because the events of this week in the UK have hit me hard.

People who know me well will know that I apologise a lot. Even when something has nothing to do with me. Another way to put this is that I often take responsibility for things that I have no control over.

In recent weeks I've come to see how much mental pressure I'm putting on myself with this behaviour. This realisation has come through reading a marvellous little book, “Depressive Illness” by Dr Tim Cantopher.

Dr Cantopher draws from his experience as a practising psychiatrist, counselling that those who are prone to shouldering the burdens of others, who are driven to achieve and keep going in the face of challenge, while likely to appear successful, are paving the way to a fuse blowing in their brains, by overloading their emotional systems. And thus to falling into depression.

The solution? Be kind to yourself, and listen to your body and mind. When you feel tired, take a break. Give yourself permission to relax, and do something you enjoy just for its own sake.

For me, writing down my thoughts through HEY World is already proving cathartic. A way of expressing and letting my thoughts flow away as through down a river. A way of quietly exerting control over my environment.

And for that, I take full responsibility.