Kalika Sullivan

April 30, 2023

Rebuilding Trust...With Myself

Two thoughts struck me this week:

It is time to rebuild trust with myself.

No one changes through having their opinions shot down — you must hear to be heard and hear to be an effective enlightener. 

I think the second is self-explanatory but the first I'll explain a little. Self-esteem is how a person feels about themselves and their abilities; self-image is how a person sees themselves and how they believe others see them. When I don't do what I say I'm going to do, I break trust with myself. I stop believing in me and my ability to accomplish or be trusted. I see my goals as farther than they need to be because I don't trust myself to choose the discipline necessary to go after them. But it's a cycle: I won't feel like it until I choose to do it; if I wait to feel it, I'll never do it.

When I say to someone else that I'm going to do something and I don't, or I state that I'm thinking about something and never take the next step, I begin to believe that others don't trust me or that there are others more qualified to do the things I have the opportunity to do.

This week I decided to start rebuilding trust with myself — to do what I say I'm going to do. I started with getting real with my fitness goals. I know I won't go to the gym after work because I want to spend my evenings with Jon, so if my goal is ever to be reached, I must go to the gym before work. So that's what I decided to do.

This week I woke up at 5:30 and went to the gym. I felt good about it and now I'm training my brain to do the hard things without giving space or power to my in-the-moment feelings. Sometimes the choice you give yourself has to be no choice at all. I'm going after what I want most, rather than what I want now.