I’m terrible at taking advice. I suspect you are too. I don’t plan on getting any better. 

I’ve heard the words Why ask for advice if you’re going to do what you want anyway more times than I can count. If a decision I make backfires, I’d rather know that I did what I wanted to do - not what someone else wanted me to do - and try to learn from the experience. 

But I find getting advice is still valuable. Hearing other perspectives, discovering angles I might have otherwise not considered, and most importantly helping me uncover what I want to do. 

When we’re presented with a bunch of options that each have their individual tradeoffs, it can be difficult to know which one we’d prefer. We need some help cutting through the emotional noise to find our answer. And that’s why I’ve started reframing the question from Can you give me some advice? to Can you help me figure out what I really want to do?

That small shift in framing changes how both people approach the conversation. 

It helps the advisor keep in mind that this advice isn’t for them. Sure, the person giving advice may have a clear vision of what they’d do. But that doesn’t matter. It isn’t them that needs to do the thing. It’s much more helpful to provide color as to why the  advice is right for the situation than to give the advice in the first place. 

It also helps the person receiving the advice. It helps them make more sense out of what they’re hearing. They’re looking for signs that point them deeper within themselves to find the right answer for them. They should be acutely aware to their emotional responses to what advice they’re hearing; It may uncover feelings that they hadn’t processed yet. 

So next time you’re getting advice, listen closely because you may just hear what you’ve known all along.