I recently read 40 Lessons from 32 years and it inspired me to write my own list of things I believe to be true, informed by my experiences in life. I'm curious what resonates with you.
It’s never about the thing
When you’re arguing with someone about something, you think you’re arguing about that thing, but you're often talking about something else. It's not that they start eating without you, it's that they don't prioritize what's important to you. It's not that they don't provide enough details in conversation, it's that they don't put the effort in.
Optimize for connection
You can save money by trying a different gym each week with their introductory offers, but what you're saving in money you're losing in connection. Pick one gym. Show up at the same time for a couple of weeks. Say hi to the regulars. Build a community. Whether you’re bouncing between gyms or relocating from one big city to the next, you can’t build connection without roots.
Novelty is fleeting, community lasts.
You only get one body
We’ll have multiple jobs over our lifetime, we might have several partners, but we only get one body. As someone who’s broken a shoulder and a wrist I know this only too well.
If you had one car for the rest of your life, you'd be taking it to the service check-in every six thousand miles, so don't treat your body like a rental.
Warm up and cool down, brush your teeth for two minutes twice a day, an apply sunscreen daily.
A great gift makes us feel seen
Gift giving isn't my love language, but I've found an appreciation for gifts this year.
When giving gifts, think about a person's interests like beauty products or running. Consider what's beneath those interests like a care for their long-term health or a love of nature, then find gifts that reflect these values, a light daily sunscreen, a book of lesser known running trails.
I used to think of gifts as an expression of love, now I see them as an expression of understanding. A great gift makes us feel seen.
People’s feedback says more about them than it does about you
The feedback you receive from someone often reflects their worldview more than it does your performance. If you’re blogging and a friend is interested in influencers, they’ll recommend you start a YouTube channel. If another friend wants want to get advice on the subject they’ll say the feedback should be more prescriptive. When you ask for feedback, know that people’s feedback is often a reflection on them, not you.
"The advice we give others is the advice that we ourselves need." - Gian-Carlo Rota, Italian mathematician and philosopher.
Don’t maximize effort, minimize injury
My best fitness hasn’t come from the hardest workouts, it’s come from the months where I’ve gone injury free and moved my body every day. Make sure you can keep playing the game. It’s never about this workout, it’s about the next one.
Problems in our relationship are problems with ourselves
When you’re unhappy in a relationship, examine your relationship with yourself. We accept the love we think we deserve. Treat yourself as someone worthy of love, and your relationships with others will be better for it.
Take the first step
Humans are weird social creatures, we long for connection but we often fear rejection more.
When meeting someone, take the first step. Smile. Say hi. Act like you’re already friends. Lead, and others are often happy you did.
Be easy to help
We don’t stop for a broken car on the side of the highway, we stop for someone who's changing a tire. Make your intentions clear and make it easy for others to help you.
The hardest part is showing up
I’ve started doing 5:30am track workouts recently. Just before we started one morning, I said to someone that I wasn't ready to put my body through a hard workout. “Don’t worry", they said, "you’ve already done the hardest part - showing up”. 99% of the work comes before the race. When you're on the starting line, you're closer to the finishing line than you think.
Everyone’s got their own struggle
When we catch up with a friend or coworker we’ll often hear about their highlights like their wedding or a new job, and we might hear a few complaints about their demanding boss. It’s rare we hear about the struggle going on just under the surface, their uncle recently diagnosed with cancer or their mum planning a divorce. Consider being vulnerable to open the door for others. Listen compassionately. Everyone’s going through something.
Share that YouTube video
Pull up the YouTube video you mentioned or send it later that day. Don't miss a chance to let the memes propagate.
Finding a partner is the most important decision of your life. Act accordingly
You'll average something like 20,000 meals and 100 vacations with your partner, and you'll hear about their day 18,000 times [1]. They'll become your career coach, your support system, you'll form a family with them, and they'll shape your children's views. Treat it with the importance it deserves.
Remembering people’s names changes how you operate in the world
When you go through life nameless, every interaction is fleeting.
When you introduce yourself, you tell someone you care about them.
When you remember someone's name, you show they matter to you.
We're all going through life with our own struggles, an acknowledgement of our existence from a stranger matters more than we'd like to admit, and being recognized helps us act our best selves. Do your best to remember people's names, even if that means keeping a list of names on your phone.
