I was reading America’s fever of workaholism is finally breaking from the Atlantic and stumbled across a neat framing of different goals we have in life - "resume virtues" and "eulogy virtues".
"Résumé virtues are what people bring to the marketplace: Are they clever, devoted, and ambitious employees?
Eulogy virtues are what they bring to relationships not governed by the market: Are they kind, honest, and faithful partners and friends?"
We say we prioritize resume virtues; trying to become the best version of ourselves, be more social, kind, true to our word, and honest - but we don't operate in this way - our New Years Resolutions far more frequently target the next promotion we want.
The article goes on to claim
"Americans should prioritize eulogy virtues. But by our own testimony, we strongly prefer résumé virtues for ourselves and especially for our children."
And it's easy to admonish this behavior. But at the same time, I don't think this behavior is wrong.
Our primary focus should be on resume virtues - get competent in the world so you're not a burden on others - put on your oxygen mask first, so to speak. But it's the failure to transition to prioritizing development of eulogy virtues once we have developed resume virtues that’s the real failing. Once you’ve helped yourself, it’s your responsibility to help others, and operate in a way where your virtues improve others interactions with you.
I see these like a Maslow's Hierarchy of Values, resume virtues need securing first, but we should all strive to attain eulogy virtues. After all, people don’t remember what you did, but they remember how you made them feel, and resumes aren’t read at funerals.