Côtes-d’Armor (Bretagne, France)
On the first day, I immediately noticed all the little flaws, such as the floor with the gaps in the parquet or the thin doors without a seal on the floor and with a gap that was far too big. Or the front door, which is difficult to lock. Or the white moldings that are full of dark streaks. I could go on. And yet I feel most comfortable in this accommodation, more than in any other.
And I was never more happy than now. Sure, there are phases of sadness and sometimes deep depression, but for most of the time I feel good. Really good. You can cut off the last couple of weeks, but for the last two years this is definitely true.
And more often I feel great. I know this sounds so different than what I wrote last time. And it is. I feel completely different, even I am still the same person. And this is due to the reason that something unexpected and important happened.
First, I stood up for myself and spoke about what I need and what I want. And by some unknown events, where I even didn’t had any influence, other people’s minds had changed. They don’t ignore me anymore. They show a huge amount of respect. They ask me and see me. And they value me.
Maybe this was true all the time, but in my world that was full of desperation it wasn’t real, it even wasn’t considered a possibility. But now with a more clear mind it feels great to be seen. And especially for someone like me.
I can very probably classify myself as an anxious attachment type. Someone who is terrified of being abandoned or betrayed. And that can happen very quickly and so fast. The feeling of a painful tension erupts at the slightest opportunity. It spreads uncontrollably and takes me over completely. I don’t see it coming or recognize when it’s inside me until it’s late. And then the damage is happening.
If I don't receive immediate reassurance that someone beloved is here for me, I suddenly feel like a small child who has been left completely alone. Nervousness and restlessness take hold of me. I can no longer sleep at night, have no clear mind and panic is a permanent possibility.
For now I am free of it. But I also know it can happen all the time. But this is also something that amplifies my happiness, because I know it can end quickly.
On the first day, I immediately noticed all the little flaws, such as the floor with the gaps in the parquet or the thin doors without a seal on the floor and with a gap that was far too big. Or the front door, which is difficult to lock. Or the white moldings that are full of dark streaks. I could go on. And yet I feel most comfortable in this accommodation, more than in any other.
And I was never more happy than now. Sure, there are phases of sadness and sometimes deep depression, but for most of the time I feel good. Really good. You can cut off the last couple of weeks, but for the last two years this is definitely true.
And more often I feel great. I know this sounds so different than what I wrote last time. And it is. I feel completely different, even I am still the same person. And this is due to the reason that something unexpected and important happened.
First, I stood up for myself and spoke about what I need and what I want. And by some unknown events, where I even didn’t had any influence, other people’s minds had changed. They don’t ignore me anymore. They show a huge amount of respect. They ask me and see me. And they value me.
Maybe this was true all the time, but in my world that was full of desperation it wasn’t real, it even wasn’t considered a possibility. But now with a more clear mind it feels great to be seen. And especially for someone like me.
I can very probably classify myself as an anxious attachment type. Someone who is terrified of being abandoned or betrayed. And that can happen very quickly and so fast. The feeling of a painful tension erupts at the slightest opportunity. It spreads uncontrollably and takes me over completely. I don’t see it coming or recognize when it’s inside me until it’s late. And then the damage is happening.
If I don't receive immediate reassurance that someone beloved is here for me, I suddenly feel like a small child who has been left completely alone. Nervousness and restlessness take hold of me. I can no longer sleep at night, have no clear mind and panic is a permanent possibility.
For now I am free of it. But I also know it can happen all the time. But this is also something that amplifies my happiness, because I know it can end quickly.