Martin Matanovic

May 7, 2024

Letters from Somewhere No.038

Korschenbroich (Germany)

I don't work where I sleep. I go to an office in town where I've rented a space. I'm the only one who does that there. Everyone else belongs to the company that rents out the spaces. There aren't many of them. Sometimes two, then four. And that's only one day a week. The rest of the days I'm on my own. 

I like being alone at work. 

We're back in Germany. Everything here feels packed and cramped. The houses are close together, the streets are full of cars that you have to slalom past. I'm here and yet somehow I'm not. Not a day goes by that I don't long for the sea, the vastness and nature, the peace and quiet and the lack of people. 

Everything here seems so familiar. But within this familiarity I feel lost. I feel less of this when the sun is shining, but as soon as it clouds over, the whole weight of emptiness comes down on me. I make the best of it by throwing myself into work during the day and socializing at night. It's a nice change from our otherwise very isolated lives. 

I'm not sleeping well. 

Where do I go from here? We have a few short stays coming up in the next few weeks, which will demand a lot of my strength. Strength that I currently lack. Then we'll return to the four-week rhythm. And after that, everything is still open. 

I've never learned to plan for the long term. Is that holding me back? 

I have been ill. One night I woke up with a severe toothache and couldn't go back to sleep. In the morning, I drove to Düsseldorf to the dental emergency room. I was expecting a crowded waiting area, but not what was to come. There was no doctor present. The only person on call was not a doctor and she couldn't get hold of one. 

One man and his wife were there and complained about the situation. Everyone else had already left the emergency room. After a while of waiting, we also left because we were told there would be no more doctors. I have never experienced anything like it. And it shook my faith in the care system here.  

Imagine you're in trouble and nobody helps you! 

Hours later, I found help in a private practice in Cologne. Now I'm on the road to recovery. At least I hope so. Although I'm glad it happened here in Germany and not when we were in France, my trust in this system was shaken. That and the narrowness have strengthened my resolve to start a new life in another country. 

About Martin Matanovic

I work, travel and live in different places in Europe and write about it in this newsletter.