Well done, you've made it this far. Welcome to the final part of this 4-part odyssey. Tired yet?

We've travelled together from London to South America, and finally onto Barcelona. Now, we find ourselves stood in front of a non-descript metal door on the outskirts of Madrid.

"What on earth am I doing here?!" I thought, sparking a true out of body experience, a body that was about to be thrust into its most crazy experience to date.

Before I continue with that story, let me first set the scene.

I'd reached a point in my Spanish learning journey where I'd hit another plateau. However, this time, the plateau was a welcome one. I was finally comfortable in conversation, more or less, and I knew the only way to get to the next level was full immersion.

For context, I work in English, and most of my friends are English-speaking. Quite frankly, Barcelona is a terrible place for learning Spanish. It’s a city like Berlin or Amsterdam where English is taking over. For me, Barcelona is not Spain. It’s a weird and wonderful mix of an international metropolis with Latino/Catalan culture.

To reach the next level, I was going to have to either start a relationship with a Spanish-speaking girl, avoid my English-speaking friends like the plague, or take my B2-level exam to force me to delve deeper into the language.

None of those options interested me. They all seemed forced, and getting a girlfriend for language gain only seemed like a step too far. So, naturally, I thought I’d create my own certification to mark the end of my formal learning journey: certified National TV status. This is when I decided to apply for the Spanish TV programme ‘First Dates.’

Now, I’m a fan of stepping outside of my comfort zone, but this was taking it to another level. I also enjoy new experiences, especially ones that will make a good story, and this one seemed hilarious. As soon as I imagined myself literally in the television, I burst out laughing.

Turning on the TV in a different country uncovers a culture beyond your own. The programmes seem so…foreign. This community couldn’t be further from your own world. That’s why I found it so hilarious to step into that foreign world. It felt like the last frontier of Spanish culture for me to feel more integrated. I still didn’t feel like I belonged here.

I'm a foreigner in an adopted country. This perhaps is another reason why I felt drawn to the experience, in order to feel more at home in Spain. Weird, I know. Some people are satisfied with paella on the beach with a glass of vino. That would've been a lot easier.

So, after I'd sent a WhatsApp to the First Date's team (see images below), I got fast-tracked through the process. The producers seemed to agree it'd be hilarious too. A phone call and a lengthy online form later, I set off on the train to Madrid at 5am on the morning of Friday, 11 March 2022. Here I went!

This is when the nerves set in. I felt like I was about to sit a life-or-death language exam à la Hunger Games, thinking of Spanish phrases in my head and testing myself at speed. I was so preoccupied that I left my Kindle on the train when leaving. What was I doing?!

Fear set in. This felt like a train to national embarrassment. Was I going to become Spain's next biggest meme? Would I be laughed out of the country all the way back to the British isles? Who is “Mike”?

With a stroke of luck, that week I'd come across a quote: 

This quote saved me that day. I started breathing more and, placebo or not, I became excited. I might make a fool of myself, but at least now I’d have fun doing it.

A black SUV met me outside of Atocha Station in Madrid. Inside were two Spanish guys. Room for an English one?

Truth be told, I had no idea what was going on. They’d probably told me the details over the phone, but my language skills were still lacking. I began to relax after holding a decent conversation with the three of them. One was from Barcelona, and the other from near Burgos.

Suddenly, another one from Seville arrived. He climbed into the SUV and started talking to me. I smiled and nodded. This is the international sign for not having a clue what the other person is saying. I replied, “Sí.” His accent was so strong. Think of a thick Geordie accent mixed with a Scouse one. The nerves returned. Breathe, Mike.

Twenty minutes later, we were on the outskirts of Madrid at a makeshift TV studio in a warehouse. I signed my image rights away and received 50 euros for the pleasure. Afterwards, we were directed to the green room to meet the producers for an outfit check. All was fine. I kept striking up conversations with the others to prove to myself that I could actually speak the language.

All three guys were called in before me. I waited there for around two hours, making frequent trips to the bathroom. It was 1pm, and I’d been up for eight hours already. The adrenaline was keeping me on my toes...and awake.

Finally, it was my turn. I was guided to the nondescript restaurant door and greeted by a young producer with a headset. I think he asked where I was from, and I felt a long way from my Northern European island. 

The door opened. I entered. The nerves disappeared. It was showtime! I’d had dates in Spanish before in the real world; how different could this be?

He guided me to the bar and offered me a drink. Without my date there, it was their opportunity to ask me questions. They proceeded to tell me I looked like all the generic white film stars: Tom Cruise, Edward Norton, Hugh Grant. The waitresses said I was sexier than Edward Norton. I think that was meant to be a compliment?

In came my date. She sat down next to me at the bar, and her expression turned to shock when I spoke. Most of the people on the show are Spanish, so she must’ve thought I was just a very white baby-faced Spaniard. Alas, no, I was an English fish out of water.

After being shown to our table, the dinner date lasted one hour. It was fun, and I somehow managed to act naturally since the cameras were hidden. I was wearing a white t-shirt, so I ordered spaghetti with red tomato sauce—an obvious choice.

Unfortunately, the video of the date is no longer online, but I've managed to salvage it and add subtitles—see the end of this blog post! 

One of my favourite parts is when, somehow, I turned the conversation away from her saying bad things about her ex-boyfriend and toward Spanish history.

I’m not sure what I was expecting to receive back from her. In my TV daze, I hadn’t thought past blurting the words out of my mouth. Perhaps an interested response would’ve been good, with a quick fact from her side, or better yet, something she’d learnt in school?

I was stumped. Not only did I now have to remember what I’d learnt from the fantastic 7-part YouTube series, but I also had to explain it in a different language.

In the actual date, I fumbled my way through an acceptable answer. However, that's where the producers cut the clip, just before the explanation, so it looked like I was really stumped. Pretty funny. 

Anyway, the date was fun, nothing to write home about, but enough to write a blog about (lucky for you). We had different interests, and I felt there was no connection.

After the date, I must’ve missed the memo as we were taken individually into a room with a camera and the producer I’d met in the green room. It all felt very much like a GCSE oral exam.

By this point, I was seriously tired, and you could see it on camera. I looked like a rabbit in headlights that had been dragged through a hedge backwards. My Spanish was deteriorating too, a claim backed up on Twitter by a member of the public.

The producer asked me questions about how the date went, what I thought when my date, Andrea, had said a certain thing, and whether I’d like to see her again.

Next, we were sat next to each other in front of the camera.

This story up until now has shown that I really didn’t know what was going on throughout the whole experience. However, this was something I was sure about, and I had to be honest.

Oops. Apparently, a lot of people just say yes to get a longer segment on TV. I’m not sure whether it was this or the rejection that had angered her. Perhaps both, or that I said she “had a lot of things to learn” …yes, probably that. Sorry, Andrea!

I managed to smooth it over afterwards in the car back to the Madrid Atocha Train Station, and she felt better when, being a big petrol head, she learnt that I had a white Peugeot 3008 Hybrid 1.6L. She told me that if I had revealed that during the date, she would have said no. So, I’m glad we reached an agreement in the end.

We even managed to snap a happy train station selfie with another couple who had been filmed that day.

Back to Barcelona I went, staring out the train window, a smile of disbelief on my face, 50 euros cash in hand. It was an experience I would never forget.

The show aired around six weeks later when, by coincidence, my dad was visiting. We watched it together on my sofa, and he asked me to live translate for him. I told him that I’d explain afterwards as I was trying to work it out for myself first!

Andrea messaged me to say there were some funny comments on Twitter. Here are a select few:

I had conquered my language-learning Everest. Finally, I felt like I could relax after being obsessed for the two years. I was now certified in making a fool of myself on Spanish TV.

Who needs a real language exam certificate anyway?!

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If you’ve reached this point, thank you for taking the time to read this 4-part story. I hope it’s been as fun to read as it has been to write. If you’ve liked it, please consider sharing it with anyone who is starting their first foreign language journey. I would’ve loved to have read this when I started out, to learn shortcuts and understand what was to come.

Finally, I know this last part went off-piste, but I think this story an important anecdote about language learning. You have to be comfortable with placing yourself outside your comfort zone and making a fool of yourself. That’s where the real magic happens.

If you’re not laughing or finding it fun while learning, then what’s the point?!

¡Chao for now!

-Mike

P.S. Click here to see the full video of the date with English subtitles (March 2022)

Not read the other parts?
Here's a link to Part 1:  How I learnt Spanish (Part 1)