This one is for all my fellow single compadres out there. Also, it's been a fun one to write as the title is charged up and relatable. However, don’t worry, it’s not what you think.

Perhaps, in a disappointment to some, I’m not going to detail out my past loves, heartbreaks and romantic encounters, even though I’m pretty sure that would be a juicy read. Come to think of it, even I’d like to read that. After some positive moments and some forlorn failures, it’s not exactly the greatest story (yet). Not like Notting Hill anyway—what-a-film!!!

So, enough of that, and enough of me teasing you with my proverbial carrot. This post is about the greatest love of my life, something I realised recently whilst speaking to a dear friend.

My friend told me that they’d bumped into someone from their recent romantic past after a year of not seeing them. My friend was the one who had called it off after 6 months or so. It seemed like a modern-day situationship, full of hormones and misunderstandings. A familiar 21st-century potent mix. 

The person was heartbroken. They’d fallen into infatuation as I’ve done before. I’m positive you know the feeling. It sucks, hovering over you like a thick dark cloud, following you for 6-months to a year, or even longer. The injured romantic then revealed to my friend that they were “the great love of their life”. 

I was shocked. I’ve for sure felt similar to this injured romantic before. However, this secondhand information landed with me in a different way. I was astounded. How on earth can that statement be true?! Why do they think that?

Now, my friend in question is great and I can see why the other person would think that. But come on, man! Think!

In an instant, with my jaw on the floor, I realised that I’d had it wrong all along. How can so much of our emotional energy be lent to another person? Is that the right thing to do, really?! Is that even fair to the other person? To place so much romantic jeopardy upon them?

I then realised that this can't be true at all. At least it shouldn’t be true. The greatest constant in your life should be you. You have to be the greatest love of your life. This has to be the only way (until maybe you have kids?). Because why not?

This is seen as a negative statement. Read it again, now from a positive perspective. Cool, right? It rings like self-love of a stable soul.

Realising this and turning the focus somewhat back to myself has brought me more inner peace. 

I’d encourage you to try this too. We’re all searching for this inner peace and the great thing is that it might be just a few gear shifts of your mind away.

The best part is, equipped with this perspective, anyone who enters into your life will do it on your terms, lover or friend - or even better, a lover who is your friend.

Moreover, you'll stop searching for that missing piece of your not-so-sad life puzzle. We all know “the search” can be exhausting. Dating apps have made it too easy to flick through like a shopping catalogue and the default mode now seems that we’re programmed to be on the hunt. On the hunt for someone to make our lives better. 

What’s that all about? Why aren’t you living your best life now? Why do you feel incomplete? What is it you are really searching for and why?

If you adopt this mindset, you’ll enter into a relationship knowing that the greatest love of your life is still right there with you, even if it ends. It is you. No one else. You and only you. Isn’t that just the best thing ever? Why would you rely on others to achieve your inner peace?

Cue the most overused advice ever: don’t worry, you’ll find what you’re looking for when you stop looking. 

It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. Getting frustrated about it isn’t going to attract anyone worthwhile for you. Until then, close the shop. You'll know when the time comes to prop open the door again.

…but then again that’s probably why I’m single. 

Anyone got a number for a good therapist?

;-)

Outro music