Ronald L Barnett

November 22, 2021

When a Gift Isn’t a Gift

The giving and receiving of gifts is ubiquitous, especially now as the winter holiday season is upon us.

Gifts characterize our holidays, charitable donations, life events like birthdays and retirements, entire religions such as Christianity, and racist insults (the Indian giver), etc. Gifts have even entered contemporary comedy as when the humorist Garrison Keillor quipped, “guilt is the gift that keeps on giving”.

Not all gifts however are created equal. Some gifts are given with strings attached. In the giving of such a gift there can be an overt or covert expectation of some type of return for the gift, usually for the gift giver. For example, in giving to a charity I expect to be recognized publicly in some manner. Or in gifting a rifle as a Christmas present I expect you’ll use it only for target shooting and not for killing. Strings. Expectations. Conditions. Philosopher Joseph Caputo refers to such “gifts” as representing an “economy of exchange” where a “why” is central to the giving. Why was the gift given? For xyz reason and with what conditions?  What was the motivation?

In contrast other gifts come without strings and hence are unconditional, without a “why”. When this occurs it’s a pure gift. The Greeks had a word for this type of gift - it was sourced in agape, a type of selfless love. Happy Holidays - 






About Ronald L Barnett

I moved to Substack and renamed to Contemplation Across the Lifespan on 2/2025. Hope to see you there. - Ron

Welcome to Hey World - a home for my writings, much of it autobiographically-inspired. My hope is that they entertain, educate, and inspire. I’m simpatico with Enid Sinclair who told Wednesday Addams, ‘’I write in my voice. It’s my truth!” I hope you enjoy them. And if you subscribe and have comments, I’d love to hear from you.

I received the Doctorate in Psychology (concentration in human cognition and learning) and after 5 years working as a community-based mental health clinician, I worked in medical research with the National Institutes of Health for the remainder of my career.

I served Contemplative Outreach, Ltd. (CO) as a teacher, group facilitator, retreat leader, Chapter Coordinator, Board Member and Trustee and taught with The Miksang Institute for Contemplative Photography.

As of 2020 I retired, hosted the podcast All Things Contemplative, and still volunteer with CO. I also facilitate Charis Circles with the Charis Foundation for the New Monasticism and Interspirituality - and enjoy information technologies, photography, nature, swimming, biking, and kayaking.

All photos © 2025 Ronald Barnett. Use with permission.

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ronald.barnett
Miksang Contemplative Photography https://ronaldbarnett.smugmug.com
All Things Contemplative Podcast https://allthingscontemplative.buzzsprout.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rbarnett7/
Lifespring - early blog 2009-2020 https://lifespring.posthaven.com/