Back in 2021 I wrote a manifesto. I put 10 guiding principles in black and white, and let it guide my actions to create one of the most massively transformative periods of my life. The results were, in many ways, exactly what I wished for when I wrote it. I achieved more than I thought possible and celebrated incredible successes.
Life these last few years has been exciting, interesting, compelling and rewarding. It has also been stressful, anxious, exhausting, and at times, devastating. It has been a period of intense, instructive volatility. For the good and bad, I am satisfied with my effort.
Through this period of building, failing, and rebuilding, my definition of a successful life has changed. The quiet peace discovered in the aftermath of difficult decisions has become more valuable than the frenetic energy of the next achievement. I learned that what I truly want now is not more, but different. A life designed with intention over ambition. A softer life.
In the course of crafting an ever-evolving existence that is meaningful to me, I put a new manifesto in black and white. None of these principles are wholly new in my life, but I'm writing them here to mark a start. The beginning of a commitment to stick to the recipe I've written for the life I want.
While I've been leaning this way for a while... today is the intentional start.
Here's the plan:
While I've been leaning this way for a while... today is the intentional start.
Here's the plan:
Fatherhood First
Give your sons a present, patient, and peaceful father. Actively remove anything from your life that prevents this. Give them the attention they deserve, and help them know that your love isn't conditional.
A Constant Teacher
Recognize that you are always teaching. The people close to you learn from your strengths and struggles, your actions and inactions. Move with intention, so the example you provide is of a man who knows his value, navigates failure with grace, and actively builds a life of peace.
The Man You Choose To Be
The joy and comfort you find in being a protector and provider is a good and necessary part of who you are. This is a strength defined not by the power you display, but by the capability you choose to hold in reserve. A softer life is not a weaker one. The choice to be gentle is only meaningful because you are capable of the alternative. Continue to reject aggression and bluster. Trust your own measured, emotionally open voice, and carry your definition of manhood with confidence, even if the world seems to disagree.
Optimism
Choose to see the good, in yourself and in the world. Problems are solvable and setbacks are temporary. Speak with hope. This is not to deny the dark, but to commit to tending the light.
Tangible Work
Work the World. Use your hands. Solve problems you can see and touch. Plant a seed, fix what is broken, build something that stands. Ground yourself in this work, where feedback is honest and progress is visible. You find the deepest peace in creating what is truly useful—an object or an aid that forges a connection between your work and the lives of others.
The Creative Process
Protect the Process. Make space for creation that is not required to succeed. Allow for failure, for observation, and for experiments that lead nowhere. The health of all your work depends on it.
The Measure of Time
Let the measure of your days be their quality of peace and depth of experience, not their quantity of output or speed of progress.
The Freedom of Enough
Reject the pursuit of more if it doesn't serve the life you want. Embrace the freedom of 'enough'. Work to build security, to fund your creativity, and to play without worry. Any financial gain that costs you your peace is not a profit, but a profound loss.
Placing Failure
When your path leads to failure, take the time to truly know it. Trace its edges, learn its weight, understand the space it occupies. Then, with intention, choose where it belongs. Do not carry it into every room of your life. It is one stone, not the entire mountain.
The Path Through Despair
When despair comes, and it will, do not dismiss the worries that brought it. Your mind will map every possible scenario, including the worst. Acknowledge this process, but do not let it rule. Your work is to distinguish the facts of the situation from the fears of your imagination.
This present moment is real. The story of your ruin is not. Remember that you have survived everything that has come before. You will survive this, too.
Connection & Value
Let others in. Value your self-sufficiency as a strength, but don't let that deprive others the chance to be helpful or included in your life. Stay open to offers of assistance and connection, which may come disguised as one another. Ask for help when you need it, and ask for company when you're lonely.
Challenge the notion that your presence is a burden, and that your value is in your usefulness.
Let Love Be the Verb
Let love be the ethic that guides your actions. Pour it into your sons, your work, your community. And when you falter, turn that same love inward toward yourself. A life infused with love given freely is a life of profound peace and purpose.