Michael St. Pierre

September 11, 2021

Rule #1 About Used Furniture

Look around- how much used furniture do you have in your home? For the past twenty years, our family has become virtual experts when it comes to used furniture. A desk here, a hutch there and before you know it, you’ve furnished your home with semi-decent stuff.

After all, new furniture can be very, very expensive.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some misses over the years. I still can’t get that fake fireplace out of my head.

There are some rules to all of this and Rule #1 can never, ever be violated. Never pick up furniture at night. I erred in this regard once when I was in college. We needed a couch and were delighted to see one had been placed next to the dumpster just for us. How thoughtful of someone.

We hustled to grab it and move it up several floors to our apartment, only to realize that it smelled and looked like hell when you put it under the light. It was also so low to the ground that you needed to rock in order to stand up. We quickly purchased a sofa cover.

Rule #1 is a sacred principle that ought not be broken. Unfortunately, as a used furniture detective always on the lookout for a find, I am not perfect. My eyes routinely stray when I pass by a yard sale. Is that real wood? Might that lamp find new meaning with just a little paint and a new shade?

A neighbor recently put out to curb a lovely old chair. Real wood, wide seat, and lots of potential. After days of debate, we stopped the car one night and picked it up. It then sat in our garage for two days. When you purchase, or in this case, procure used furniture, it’s important to let it air out. I had no idea the amount of airing that this particular item would need.

Something was off.

I do not have a good sense of smell but I could detect a strong, pungent odor coming from the treasure we had just found. After two more days and the realization that the chair was saturated in animal urine, something had to be done.

The chair had to go back.

After some intense family debate over the ethics of this, I tried to convince my teenagers to walk it back down the street when the neighborhood was quiet, say around 9pm. They were not interested, claiming the chair was too heavy. Kids these days.

So, as the man of the house with a desire to make amends for violating Rule #1, I put on some dark clothes and a black ballcap. Very stealthy. I marched into the garage, put that awful thing on a dolly and walked it down the street. I counted my steps and made sure that I was as quiet as possible. In the event that a car might pass, I would look down so that I could not be identified. When I arrived at the curb of our neighbors, a wry smile crept over my face and I returned the chair. Mission complete.

Used furniture has its place but never forget Rule #1: Never pick up used furniture at night.