I've only cried a few times in my life while reading a book. This isn't masculine posturing and it's not something I'm bragging about — this is just the story of how I found myself quietly sobbing in the back of a car while reading on a kindle.

That day, I was reading about my Enneagram type. Before you close this and stop reading let me say: yes, you are right, some people are very annoying about the enneagram. However, some of the material written about it is excellent. To me, it's a deeply personal explanation of your core motivations, and less of a personality type. I find it so personal, that I usually do not share with people which type I am (definitely not sharing it publicly today, sorry). That aside, if you'll bear with me, I'd like to share my experience with it.

We were driving through the California desert, headed to LA from Phoenix. I don't remember clearly but I'd be willing to guess there were probably windmills and billboards for casino buffets. It was the mid 20-teens, so let's say Midnight City by M83 was playing. I was sitting in the back seat as someone else drove. 

I was reading The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron. When I first started, I read through a quick description of the types and thought ahh I'm for sure this type. I read about that type and was a bit let down. I definitely recognized some of the outward habits, but the driving internal motivation was foreign to me. I remember hearing a suggestion (somewhere) to read through all the types instead of just reading what your initial pick is. I'm glad I did that.

As I read about my actual enneagram type, my heart started racing. I was surprised to see that I was crying. It felt like I was finally able to see myself, like I was meeting someone in person that I had only talked on the phone with for 20-some years.

I began to understand why I do the things in my life that I find so annoying, and why some of the same personality flaws I had as a teenager are things I still deal with as a mature adult. It helped me to appreciate the healthy and beneficial aspects of my personality, and gave great advice on how to work on the less helpful behavior. One of my favorite parts is a listing of what healthy versions of each type look like. It was a strange experience reading it and recognizing high school Nick, college Nick, and hopefully, future Nick.

I found it also helped my relationships with others. Knowing my wife's, and almost all of my close friends' types, has given me a deeper understanding and appreciation of the people in my life. In my marriage, it's helped me to avoid potholes in communicating, and has allowed us to be a bit more patient with one another.

If you haven't before, I recommend reading The Road Back to You or another book about the enneagram. Simple online quizzes won't give you the full picture. Side note: the enneagram has Christian roots, if that makes you less interested in it, my wife recommends The Honest Enneagram which deals less with the spiritual aspects of it.

The enneagram definitely is not perfect, and it definitely should not replace your entire self-conceptualization — but it is a helpful tool. A+++ would cry again.