Why don't I share my writing? I don't know exactly. But I'd like to figure it out and get over it. Or not figure it out, but still move past it.
Something inside is begging for me to publish and share the stuff I create. Some vague but nagging pull to share. A pull that seems to grow stronger whenever it gets my attention.
I don't hate writing. But I don't publish. Why not? Maybe...
Something inside is begging for me to publish and share the stuff I create. Some vague but nagging pull to share. A pull that seems to grow stronger whenever it gets my attention.
I don't hate writing. But I don't publish. Why not? Maybe...
- I'm afraid I'll look dumb
- I don't see the point
- I think the idea is underdeveloped
- Or I'll change my mind and have to defend an old idea?
- I'm afraid it'll hurt my chances of raising money or hiring or getting a job or something important like that
- Do I have to promote what I share? Will folks start getting annoyed at all my noise?
- What if nobody cares?
- Wouldn't I look even dumber if nobody cares?
- What's the unique thing my writing covers?
- (How) is this helpful?
I've been journaling regularly since the start of 2023. I started a journaling occasionally, in 2020, when I was raising capital for Fixable. Journaling's claims of mental health benefits are legit! We raised and went into focused execution mode for over a year, during which I barely journaled at all. When my laptop was open, it was code and marketing and email and team chatter. Not saying this was the best thing to do! It's what I did.
My near daily journaling in 2023 has failed to produce much published work. Maybe that's fine. I don't know. I don't feel like it's fine. I feel -- without any one great guiding reason -- like I should be sharing my writing.
There are lots of sharp authors who can articulate great reasons for journaling, writing, editing, publishing. When I read them, I agree. I agree so hard. Then I continue my streak of zero sharing. Getting over this has proven embarrassingly difficult.
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Would a takedown of my personal reasons for not sharing help? Maybe not. Maybe they're all just surface level excuses. Or emotional and touchy feely reasons where a logical argument is not going to win the day. Fuck it, let's try a takedown.
We don't even need to address all of the reasons. They boil down to two things:
My near daily journaling in 2023 has failed to produce much published work. Maybe that's fine. I don't know. I don't feel like it's fine. I feel -- without any one great guiding reason -- like I should be sharing my writing.
There are lots of sharp authors who can articulate great reasons for journaling, writing, editing, publishing. When I read them, I agree. I agree so hard. Then I continue my streak of zero sharing. Getting over this has proven embarrassingly difficult.
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Would a takedown of my personal reasons for not sharing help? Maybe not. Maybe they're all just surface level excuses. Or emotional and touchy feely reasons where a logical argument is not going to win the day. Fuck it, let's try a takedown.
We don't even need to address all of the reasons. They boil down to two things:
- I don't see the point of publishing
- I don't want to look dumb
Trying to understand the point of sharing (#1) may be presumptuous.
"Why am I doing this? What's it all for? ... in the end the question is of little importance... it implies we know more than we can know" - Rick Rubin, The Creative Act
Sit with that for a little while. Like great art, it's up to your interpretation. The payoff is stronger when it's not obvious. For me, Rick is saying we can't know why we exist. All other "why" questions trace back to that existential base. Thus, they are of little importance.
One down. Back to (#2) looking dumb.
I hesitate to discuss it because I can hear people like my mom responding with "ohh why would you think that! You're so smart! That's silly to worry about." That's the problem, isn't it? Always being "the smart one." I have a long way to fall. So much downside to protect!
What to do? How do I overcome the extreme loss aversion? Write under a pseudonym? That feels like a lie. Try to get ahead of it by declaring I'm actually not that smart? Take my own advice to "stop caring"? Sure, yeah! But how?
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Looking over my notes from The Creative Act, half of them deal with overcoming the inner critic. How to get over the fear of looking dumb, said 100 different ways. Very inspiring stuff that worked for very famous artists! As motivational as the quotes are, they haven't yet spurred me to action.
That's because there is no short cut. No secret incantation of words. This is more like smiling when you're sad to make yourself happy. Through sheer force of will, and a little trust in the process, you overcome the inertia just one time. Allow yourself to cringe for a minute. Then stop looking back and do it again.
Eventually I'll internalize the logical reasons (asymmetric upside!) and begin to feel the emotional pull of publishing. Pain imagined will begin to fade like a bully ignored. Publishing will get easier. Maybe even feel good. Actions that feel good tend to become habits...
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PS. Since you're reading this on the web, not my posthumously publicized journal, I've taken one step on a journey of a thousand miles. Hopefully, somehow, this is helpful to someone.