Shit I'm listening to, reading, learning about...

I grew up in socal, going to high school from 1990 - 1994. I was a skater and I got into straight edge and hardcore right around then. It was a fertile scene, following the era of the Reagan and Bush 80s, and people were still pissed. The Moral Majority and all that shit were just winding down after claiming a complete victory, with Falwell spiking the football and declaring "Our goal has been achieved…The religious right is solidly in place and … religious conservatives in America are now in for the duration." 

The hardcore scene was a respite from all of that. It was ugly, visceral music with kids screaming about vegetarianism/veganism, the perils of drugs and alcohol, the oppression from cops, politicians, and religion, and the need for equality for all sexes and races. It felt super subversive to me after growing up in such a conservative environment, but it also felt right. It made sense. And it helped shape me.

Bands like Born Against were a revelation. Just the name itself felt dangerous. Like I had to hide it. But it clicked. And everything they were about, 30 years later, is just as relevant as ever. Here's Mary and Child from the incredible Nine Patriotic Hymns For Children album:

When I was a young teen, I couldn't really absorb this type of song. I didn't really know what was happening with the abortion culture wars. But here, 30 years later in the year of our lord 2022… well.

I have somewhat mixed feelings about hardcore and these types of bands/songs. On one hand, it's mostly a bunch of young white men screaming about stuff that isn't really their burden to bear. It was somewhat performative at the time, a bunch of privileged rich kids preaching about things they would never experience because that's what you were "supposed" to do in the scene. But, on the other hand, I'm glad they were singing about these issues instead of about getting drunk or chasing girls or whatever. It opened my eyes to things that were, and continue to be, injustices in this fucked up country and world. It planted seeds.

It's also indicative that this scene, which was largely focused on social justice, not getting fucked up, animal rights, equality, etc. was a tiny niche subculture. Caring about this stuff was for the weirdos.

Another band that impacted me from that time was called CAMPAIgN, which I stumbled across at some shows in Claremont in like 1993. We drove down on halloween to see Econochrist, Outspoken, and Heroin. Outspoken no-showed, but we got there on time to see CAMPAIgN open. They were 4 random looking dudes. The singer was from new york, but going to Claremont for college. The bass player was Egg (the Process singer), and the drummer looked like Freddy Mercury.

They started playing and it was an immediate Holy Shit moment. At that time, it was expected that bands would "go off" while playing. Flailing, falling on the ground, etc. But these guys took it to a whole other level. It was one of the most intense sets I've ever seen. You could tell they meant it. And the music was incredible, perfectly capturing the ugliness and complexity and dissonance that resonated so deeply with me.

They played a pretty short set, but ended with a song called Becky Bell. It was an epic 4 1/2 minute song of pure emotion and fury. 4 1/2 minutes doesn't sound long, but when it's a continuous buzzsawing of your ears with sheer intensity, and every other song of the night clocks in at 1:30, it hits super hard.

A few months later we found their 7" in the record store and promptly bought it. It even turned out that the photo on the back was from the show we were at, and we were in it:

The 7" is fucking great. The songs are about veganism, cigarettes, questioning the feelings of futility we have against the system, and abortion.The abortion song is a painful essay and tribute to Becky Bell, a child who died in 1988 because her state of Indiana required parental permission to have an abortion. She was too afraid of telling her parents, and didn't want to try for an exemption from a judge out of fear her parents would still find out. She ended up dying from septic abortion complicated by pneumonia after having an illegal procedure that got infected. 

Paradoxically, as stated in this documentary clip, the better and more open a child's relationship is with their parents, there can be even more chance to hide things like an unwanted pregnancy out of the desire to not let your parents down. This is something I can relate to. I was always The Good Kid™ but, like any human, did stupid shit and made plenty of mistakes. I can't even imagine being presented with the situation of unwanted pregnancy as a young woman. I can 100% understand doing anything possible to hide something as stigmatized as fucking up and getting pregnant at 17 to my conservative evangelical family. "Luckily" I'm not a woman. I will never be faced with this type of decision.

And here we are, 30 fucking years after this song was written, and we've just been slammed into a massively worse situation. We're no longer dealing with parental consent, but access at all in most of the states in this ridiculous country. So it won't just be under 18 children seeking out alternatives, but women of all ages. And while people have made the valid point that this is purely class warfare since rich people will always be able to get their daughters/wives/mistresses/themselves an abortion, the story of Becky Bell shows that it goes even deeper and the stigmatization means many will not even let the people who could get them out of their state know out of shame. They will instead take pills, go to underground clinics, try random methods they find online. And some of them will die. And some of those who die will be the children of the people who have forced all of this through. Will that finally lead to any change? If the daily mass shootings and children dying in schools is any indicator, no. The dedication to death and suffering is the whole point.

WE ALL SEEM TO THINK THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF THE RIGHTS OF A CHILD ARE LESS THAN SACRED 
THIS CHILD NEEDS TO GROW WITHOUT FEAR OF DEATH 
BUT IN THIS WORLD THERE'S NO CHANCE OF THAT

OUR CHILDREN ARE DYING… AND WE DON'T CARE 
WOMEN ARE DYING… AND WE DON'T CARE

THERE'S A FORCE ON THE STREET IN THE CHURCH AND THE COURT 
AND THEY'RE MAKING THEIR INTENTIONS PAINFULLY CLEAR 
MORALITY COMES BEFORE THE LIFE OF A CHILD 
AND THE ONLY DEATH THAT MATTERS IS THAT UNBORN

FUNDAMENTAL HYPOCRISY…

YOU THINK YOU CAN FORCE MORALITY ON US WITH LAWS 
WHEN THE LAWS YOU ENACT END UP KILLING MORE THAN THEY SAVE 
AND YOU TURN THE OTHER WAY AS CHILDREN GO WITHOUT HOMES 
IN THE END YOUR CRUSADE IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIS-SERVED

COLD GLOSSY PICTURES PAINT THE GROTESQUE 
BUT WE NEVER KNOW THE TRUTHS OF WHAT THEY ARE 
A TRAGIC MISCARRIAGE PORTRAYED AS A FETUS 
AND A FAITH-DRIVEN MOB ACCEPTS THE MYTH

I KNOW WHY YOU DO IT MAYBE YOU DON'T SEE 
IT'S DISPLACED GUILT FOR A LOVE STARVED WORLD 
SO YOUR VISION IS FAILING AND YOUR VAIN ATTEMPT 
IS TO RECLAIM MORALITY WITH A SINGLE STANCE

AND THE REAL GOAL HERE'S NOT TO SAVE A LIFE 
BUT TO PUSH YOUR ETHICS ON A HEATHEN MASS 
AND IF YOUR FAITH'S SO STRONG 
WHY DO YOU NEED TO CONVINCE WITH VIOLENT FORCE AND NOT BELIEF? 
AND WHAT REALLY HAPPENS WE DON'T ALL HEAR
 BUT WOMEN HAVE DIED FOR YOUR THOUGHTLESS "CARE"

AS WE HEAR IT ITS A RIGHT BUT ITS FADING FAST 
AND THE WORD OF LAW DOESN'T GUARANTEE A THING

YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW SOMEONE'S ALREADY DIED 
BECAUSE AN INDIANA LAW SAYS A MINOR'S A CHILD 
INCAPABLE OF MAKING THE DECISION HERSELF 
AND COMPLETELY AT THE MERCY OF HER PARENTS' MORALS

OUR CHILDREN ARE DYING… AND WE DON'T CARE
WOMEN ARE DYING… AND WE DON'T CARE

WHAT SEEMS AT FIRST AS CLEAR IS OBSCURED BY BLOOD
 BECKY BELL DIED AT THE HANDS OF A BUTCHER 
BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID TO CONFRONT HER PARENTS 
BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE GIVEN HER RIGHTS

FUNDAMENTAL HYPOCRISY…

SO ALL OF OUR DEBATE AND PROTEST SEEMS SAFE AND CLEAN 
BUT FOR MANY THE CONTROVERSY'S MUCH CLOSER TO HOME 
AND COLD LAWS DON'T FIND A PLACE IN THE WARMTH OF THE FAMILY 
THERE WILL BE A FEW LESS MEMBERS HOME IN SOME STATES THIS YEAR

IT'S HAPPENED 
OUR LAWS HAVE KILLED

- Toby

Email me | Check out my newsletter