I’ve been trying to find the most natural set up for writing snippets that come across my mind that others may be musing about as well.
I found about this new feature for my HEY email today. Here I am testing the waters!
I love that I can write through email — it suits my writing style much more. I write better when I feel like I am writing to someone.
Lately I’ve been considering the lifestyle I want to lead. Not that I haven’t ever considered this, but detailing the minute thoughts and duties of my day to day for an ideal day is actually quite difficult for me!
I have been plagued with depression since childhood. It has taken twenty five years of my life to realize there’s life without these dreadful, paralyzing, self-deprecating thoughts.
And I have spent the last two years of my life trying on “lifestyles”. And I say last two years because it’s in these last two years that I have disposable income to try on lifestyles (and therapy).
Self expression and self affirmation is uncomfortable for me. I realize how ridiculous I must sound.
I’ve been trying to wear clothing that look fun and comfortable to me and it’s taken to only recently that it feels like me rather than a persona. I love the feeling of silk. I love the elegance of long skirts. I love the mystery and juxtaposition of oversized blazers on my frame. I love recreating the styles of the 1980s Hong Kong actresses. The 1980s... feel like a callback to a time where people believed there was only such a thing as glamour and success. It what I dreamed of as a kid.
I’m trying to say to this kid me - that it is okay to want this and enjoy this. And I’m trying to say to this kid me - that you’re super intelligent and creative, even though no one says this to you except your report card.
It’s funny how being overlooked affected my self esteem, especially on things that are ‘productive’ and worth value in this American society. Who would have thought being invisible can make a kid feel like nothing. It seems obvious as I type this now.
But here I am, this invisible kid — making a declaration to the world.
I am here.
Hello world.
I found about this new feature for my HEY email today. Here I am testing the waters!
I love that I can write through email — it suits my writing style much more. I write better when I feel like I am writing to someone.
Lately I’ve been considering the lifestyle I want to lead. Not that I haven’t ever considered this, but detailing the minute thoughts and duties of my day to day for an ideal day is actually quite difficult for me!
I have been plagued with depression since childhood. It has taken twenty five years of my life to realize there’s life without these dreadful, paralyzing, self-deprecating thoughts.
And I have spent the last two years of my life trying on “lifestyles”. And I say last two years because it’s in these last two years that I have disposable income to try on lifestyles (and therapy).
Self expression and self affirmation is uncomfortable for me. I realize how ridiculous I must sound.
I’ve been trying to wear clothing that look fun and comfortable to me and it’s taken to only recently that it feels like me rather than a persona. I love the feeling of silk. I love the elegance of long skirts. I love the mystery and juxtaposition of oversized blazers on my frame. I love recreating the styles of the 1980s Hong Kong actresses. The 1980s... feel like a callback to a time where people believed there was only such a thing as glamour and success. It what I dreamed of as a kid.
I’m trying to say to this kid me - that it is okay to want this and enjoy this. And I’m trying to say to this kid me - that you’re super intelligent and creative, even though no one says this to you except your report card.
It’s funny how being overlooked affected my self esteem, especially on things that are ‘productive’ and worth value in this American society. Who would have thought being invisible can make a kid feel like nothing. It seems obvious as I type this now.
But here I am, this invisible kid — making a declaration to the world.
I am here.
Hello world.