Resonate with the idea of "us, as a team, vs. 'the problem'", whatever that may be. Also a core part of our relationship.
One of the best parts of a relationship is learning more about ourselves and our own limitations. Coming to it with curiosity. Why does the other person come off as not caring or being sensitive enough? What does that say about their upbringing and their relationship with their family? Etc etc.
I think this is really worth pondering for a moment, and sharing. Almost every time I'm in a situation with friction, disagreement, or discomfort—not only in my relationship but also with strangers, or at work, with customers, etc—the internal tactical reason is that I've displayed a lack of curiosity. There's ambiguity in the air, some social anxiety or nervousness around self-worth, we aren't yet fully at ease together...
One more footnote to that post which I had omitted for conciseness: I'm not sure I would have made it to this point in my relationship without reading the amazing classic Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. (You can probably find a PDF in your language of choice.)
A common objection to this book that I've heard from friends is "how can you read that crap?! It's so outdated and sexist, I mean, just look at the title!!"
My default reaction to that is something like "wow, you are so close-minded! Your comments sound like woke nonsense, and very much judging a book by it's cover. This book is really useful!"
But I can also choose NOT to say things that way. I can pause and reprogram myself to exude curiosity. This advances the conversation with generosity, disarms the other person, and puts us squarely on the same team—trying to understand something together.
For example: "huh! That's so interesting you think it's sexist and not applicable... I found many patterns and examples from the book resonated with me, but I could definitely be wrong, or sexist myself! I guess I was under the impression that the author discusses masculine & feminine archetypes, which could perhaps apply to any gender at different times... But I'm curious to learn more about how the book rubbed you the wrong way! Aside from some grammar-level language choices and maybe non-inclusive pronouns (it was written in the 1900s), can you help me understand what about the book feels sexist or antiquated to you? Your reaction is fascinating to me, and I'd really love to learn more!"
Pause.
Reprogram. Reframe. React.
Listen.
Repeat.
It takes serious work. But it compounds, and it pays dividends. We should all fight the default more.
Curiosity killed the argument.