What I miss about college can’t be described with a specific word. It’s the friends, the social events, the meals, the groups, the places, and the general rhythm and structure — what I call the “scaffolding of life.” College provided these things by default, these components that make life complete beyond the requirements of work and career. My friends lived near me and we had a semi-regular place and time we could see each other. There were parties and events to go to that you could count on. There was a decent gym within walking distance. Meals were provided with (sometimes) sufficient variety and nutrition. There were social and extracurricular groups you could join to do fun things. And all of the above was contained in a small-ish place, a surface area that allowed for spontaneity, for meeting without an objective, and for the making of plans without days, weeks, months of planning.
Most adults never return to living this way. No wonder they reminisce about their college days; it’s the scaffolding they miss more than anything. It’s not impossible to get these things back and neither should we forever stay in a world where they’re provided for us. But getting back the parts of life that make it whole takes a lot of effort. Effort that many never put in due to the demands of work.
It certainly doesn’t help that our built environment makes it much harder to have this sort of community again. Everyone’s farther away. There are limited non-commercial, public places where one can go to chat with familiar faces. American cities no longer have a culture of civic and social clubs like, say, Denmark does. And everything—from the distance of your grocery store to the quality of public transit—depends on which city, neighborhood, and even street you live on. Although you have to buy into most of these things, money doesn’t guarantee that you get them in sufficient quality.
Building back the scaffolding of life will take time post grad. It’ll take effort and thought and tough decisions. It’s exciting that I get to choose so many things for myself. But I know I’m fighting an uphill battle against the isolation and atomization of modern American life.