I was 12 years old, a 7th grader at W.R. Thomas Middle School in Miami, FL

We moved around a lot when I was growing up, and on my last days of school in the prior year, I got into a fight with another boy.

So, when I started 7th grade, I was on my best behavior, and looking to just fit in and get along to go along.

But before I knew it, I was standing face to face with another boy seeing who would budge first.

A few minutes prior to this, we had an unpleasant exchange as we were cleaning our trays and lining up to leave the cafeteria

When the cafeteria bell went off for next period we both got right up in each others face just outside the cafeteria, in front of the lockers.

Before I knew it we were shoving each other in front of what felt like the whole school.

I could feel my heart pumping through my chest.

The more the crowd cheered for violence, the more adrenaline coarsed through my veins, and the harder we shoved each other into the blue-tinted lockers behind us.

And before I knew it, he sprinted toward me, twisting his upper torso to cock back a massive overhand right. I felt the biting sting of his fist crack my left cheek. The punch landed clean.

The punch whiplashed my head causing my glasses to fly across the huddle of middle schoolers. The crowd jolted with excitement and the yelling grew louder

In a moment of overwhelm, humiliation, as well as concern about being kicked out of school, I told him to meet out after school by the flag pole to finish our fight.

This left everyone with a feeling of disappointment that I somehow felt responsible for

My next period was math.

As I sat there gazing at the teacher write on the board with a blank stare, feeling my face pulsating with heat and sensation from that punch.

I overheard the kids in the row in front of me talking about the fight, and that a kid was punched and didn’t do anything about it.

This only cemented that feeling of humiliation in me

They had no idea it was me, and I felt too ashamed to say that it was

Fast forward several hours, and I hear the final bell ringing dismissing us home.

With every ring of the bell, my heart rate accelerated a little more

I make my way to the flag pole in front of the school.

And as the flag pole came into sight, I saw from afar that he was already there, waiting for me. And, surrounded by at least four of his friends.

Being new to this school, I didn’t have friends. And the thought of them jumping me only made me feel more fear and shame

The closer I got to the flag pole, the more vivid the images of my mind became. Images of me being beaten up by the whole group.

I began felt a guttural sensation all the way from my belly up toward my solar plexus.

It was fear.

In a moment of panic, I made an immediate right turn, and walked home instead.

What I didn't know then and there, was that I wasn't only dealing with a fight in the outer world, but also an inner fight with fear itself.

And in that moment, I let fear win.

Fear began to establish its hooks inside my consciousness. Slowing and silently growing without me knowing it.

For the rest of that school year, I lived in fear.

Over the coming months, whenever I was dropped off at school, I would immediately scan across the hundreds of middler schoolers surrounding me to spot my bully from a distance. Once I spotted him I would begin to hide behind the textbooks I had with me by placing them on my shoulder, as as to cover my face from being seen.

This cemented in me a pattern of hiding whenever I felt fear.

This pattern kept me safe in 7th grade, but what I didn't know is that it would come back to haunt me decades later.

A breakthrough wouldn't happen for another two decades. Fast forward, I'm now 32 years old wanting to leave a toxic job that became possessed by woke ideology. Being in there felt like poison to my soul. I wanted—I needed— to start my own business.

but the thing is I’m still struggling with the same pattern of hiding. So, whenever I felt shame and fear, I would hide, because that’s what kept me safe growing up.

And now as an adult, this pattern is leading to self sabotage.

On the one hand, I need to tell people I'm starting a coaching practice, and I'm open for business, and looking for clients. On the other hand I’m not sharing anything with others about my business, because of the shame of how much money I am now making. For me, going from a six figure salary, to no income was extremely difficult.S

So, it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I think there's something to hide that I'm ashamed of, I don't take committed action in my business, because I don't believe I can, I don't believe I can and therefore I create that as a reality for myself.

All of this was created by my mind because of that old pattern of hiding.

This lead to me bleeding out financial resources, and not creating clients for a long time. While struggling with the loyal forces of the opposition: self doubt, fear, and shame

because I was afraid of feeling out of control by admitting to others where things were with my business, I wanted to feel in control by hiding. In actuality, nothing was wrong! I was making the status of my business to mean something about my worth as a human being. I was totally focused on myself rather than on serving others.

Although the pattern of hiding felt safe because it was familiar...it was also expensive to keep up! And painful.

A breakthrough happened for me when I began to let go of the judgments I was placing on myself. This allowed me to gain enough altitude over this circumstance to realize that I thought being seen was what was unsafe.

When in reality, it was not being seen that was unsafe!

That bully in 7th grade never really saw me. In fact, no bully I’ve ever had ever saw me.

They saw who they imagined me to be. I realized that it’s not being seen that’s unsafe.

Now, does this pattern of hiding from fear and shame still show up here and there? Yeah sure, I don't think we ever totally resolve our patterns, but we can outgrow them.

We can gain altitude over them, and see the same circumstance from new perspectives.

One thing this experience taught me was that the strategies that worked in the first half of life become our prisons in the second half of life.

Don't let your own old patterns get in the way of being seen, and creating what you want. 

Reach out for a free coaching call, so that you too can learn to overcome the inner prisons that are keep you safe—and therefore small. 


Love and Power, 
Alex