I just found out via text on March 1st 2021 at 10:21 am that you passed away on March 1st 2021 at 6:03 am. I also was told back in Oct. 2020 that you were in a coma and went into that coma in Sept. 2020. Not only that, but I ran to the hospital, not caring about the risk of COVID-19. I just needed to see you. You had tubes everywhere, unresponsive. I didn’t need to see you like that, and didn’t desire my last memory of you to be that visual. But I wanted you to know I was Present. That your son is here. 

After seeing you, I went to your apartment. It was like a shrine. Pictures of me all over the living room and in your bedroom. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I thought to myself; I don’t even own pictures of myself. I wonder why mom. 

You were so strong; you were a fighter; you beat everything, including cancer. I remember when you were diagnosed with breast cancer I would meet you after your chemo. You would just say I’m good, I’ll get through this. You did! Fast forward to now, I hoped you would crush this! A few years ago, I told you I wanted to run a marathon. You didn’t think I was crazy you just stated do it. You came to one of my races that meant so much to me. My knee was inflamed, and I stopped by the medic. You met me there and said: are you ok? Do you still want to run? I said yeah, and the doc wrapped my leg with ice and I finished the race. You were right there cheering me on. 

Our last conversation wasn’t the greatest, but it was human. When it was just us, we had a friendship and relationship, no one could touch. When other people places and things were involved, it complicated our relationship, and caused conflict. At 9, you taught me how to draw, which was something you mastered and fell in love with many years earlier.

You would get tracing paper and have me trace 

The Sunday comics until I could freehand it on my own. I remember finding those medical and art books they fascinated you, along with other publications that made you a fine artist. I was into ball and wanted these limited edition Gary Payton basketball sneakers you found a way to earn the money and didn’t care about the cost. You took me to the mall and got me those shoes, which changed into a mother and son movie day. 

I never needed the sneakers I just needed you mom. I think you knew that because you never bought me another pair; you taught me how to make the money to get shoes on my own. Your passion for fragrances turned into my passion for fragrances. At one point you were making your own in a basement lab with your friend I remember because I was there, but I also remember because I couldn’t get the chemicals out of my clothes. Which smelled bad because some fragrances just don’t play nice with others. I was a walking skunk mom. Thank you for that! Just so you know, that gave me a ton of confidence with the girls. 

You were there, you were always there lurking in the shadows. I was 16 in the studio going crazy with my buddies. The producer burned the CD for me. Once you got a hold of it, you played it for your associates. You didn’t care about the vulgar lyrics. You just cared that it was my music. Whether it was bad or good, you were proud of me and my biggest fan. That was the other connection we had. You yearned to sing at the local bars in the neighborhood. That was your stage. Everyone in the neighborhood showed you love. When we would walk outside, all I heard were people scream your name. You had this infectious smile that was so contagious. People loved being around you. I went back to the old neighborhood, it’s not the same without you. 

Purple lipstick, purple jacket, purple eye shadow. Purple was your favorite color and suited you well. (Purple) the color of royalty. 

I love you mom I miss you so much. I know you are with grandma and auntie singing and dancing. In your comfort zone. I’ll be ok mom. I’m the son you created. You did your Job! You made a man out of me. 

I know you never approved of my hand tattoos. I covered them with a Buddha and a Ganesh. But, under the skin will always read: mother is a name for god In the ears and lips of all children. 

Dance in peace, sleep in peace, and Rest In Peace mom