Hey :)
I had two leadership conversations recently — different people, different roles, different challenges.
But both conversations arrived at almost the exact same sentence:
“I’m still trying to figure out what kind of leader I want to be.”
It’s such a common moment.
And it’s usually where people get stuck.
Because when you’re stepping into leadership, or stepping up a level, identity feels important… but it’s the least useful place to begin.
In both conversations we ended up shifting the focus to a far more practical starting point:
“What does a leader actually do?”
Once we went there, everything opened up.
A leader creates clarity so the people around them know what a good day looks like.
I had two leadership conversations recently — different people, different roles, different challenges.
But both conversations arrived at almost the exact same sentence:
“I’m still trying to figure out what kind of leader I want to be.”
It’s such a common moment.
And it’s usually where people get stuck.
Because when you’re stepping into leadership, or stepping up a level, identity feels important… but it’s the least useful place to begin.
In both conversations we ended up shifting the focus to a far more practical starting point:
“What does a leader actually do?”
Once we went there, everything opened up.
A leader creates clarity so the people around them know what a good day looks like.
- A leader holds the standard when things slip.
- A leader doesn’t skip the basics just because someone seems capable.
- A leader goes first in the conversations everyone else avoids.
- A leader makes it possible for others to succeed.
- A leader deals with the unglamorous parts — the tension, the friction, the difficult truths — even when no one sees it happening.
And here’s the part that surprised them both:
You don’t need to be perfect at any of this to help someone else improve.
You grow through the responsibility, not before it.
That’s why starting with identity (“Who am I as a leader?”) is so unhelpful at the beginning.
Identity comes from the repetitions.
- From the conversations you’d rather not have.
- From choosing clarity over comfort.
- From setting expectations and sticking to them.
- From doing the work of leadership, not imagining the theory of it.
So if you’re early in your leadership journey and finding yourself swirling around the big philosophical questions…
Don’t start with who.
Start with what.
- What needs to be done here?
- What does this person need from me?
- What are the standards that must be upheld?
- What conversations have to happen this week, not next month?
- What clarity is missing that I could create today?
Do those things consistently, even when they stretch you, and your identity as a leader will form naturally.
You become the leader you’re meant to be by leading — not by waiting until you’ve figured out the perfect version of yourself.
🗣️ 👀
Chris.