I practiced yoga regularly for a year before COVID, but never picked it up again after the pandemic hit.
I’ve been pondering why I’ve lost the urge to return to yoga. Then, I stumbled upon some videos and articles about Christopher Hitchens, and suddenly it clicked.
Hitchens was a rebel, a contrarian, a prolific thinker and writer. He famously said, "in life we must choose our regrets." He chose a life indulging heavily in alcohol and cigarettes, embodying a spirit of living recklessly and freely, with nothing held back. His devotion to his intellectual craft was almost artistic.
While drinking and smoking aren't for me at all, I admire Hitchens' spirit of choosing an unconventional, reckless, and unbalanced life, free from norms and groupthink.
For me, the keyword is 'unbalanced.'
Yoga, wonderful as it is (and I truly believe so), might have worked too well for me, as weird as it sounds. It brought so much balance to my spiritual life that I felt a deep-seated need to 'dirty things up.'
It's a weird thing to say, but I think I consciously decided to embrace a certain amount of anxiety, and even fear, in my day-to-day life. Maybe I'm trying to emulate what David Deida would call 'to lean just beyond the edge and into the fear of not living my life fully.' I let a healthy amount of anxiety and self-doubt (if there's ever such a thing) drive me to perfect my craft in whatever I'm currently focusing on.
I’m not saying that yoga practitioners become sterile or so enlightened that they're out of touch with the world. I know plenty who remain raw, genuine, and wonderfully human despite yoga being their core practice. But I remembered yoga making me feel plenty balanced, clean, maybe a bit too peaceful, and in turn, less ambitious. I don't find that version of myself interesting.
In my mind, it’s like how people get tired of digital audio and digital photography. They seek out the fuzziness, randomness, imperfections, quirks, flaws in analog equipments. These imperfections give art a character that's lacking in the overly perfect digital realm.
I still take care of myself physically and spiritually through other activities I enjoy. But yoga, for me, is maybe too effective at 'healing' and bringing back 'balance.' I consciously choose the alternative route for self-care, even if it means living a life that's more 'unbalanced.'
This unbalanced mode of life seems richer in character.
I’ve been pondering why I’ve lost the urge to return to yoga. Then, I stumbled upon some videos and articles about Christopher Hitchens, and suddenly it clicked.
Hitchens was a rebel, a contrarian, a prolific thinker and writer. He famously said, "in life we must choose our regrets." He chose a life indulging heavily in alcohol and cigarettes, embodying a spirit of living recklessly and freely, with nothing held back. His devotion to his intellectual craft was almost artistic.
While drinking and smoking aren't for me at all, I admire Hitchens' spirit of choosing an unconventional, reckless, and unbalanced life, free from norms and groupthink.
For me, the keyword is 'unbalanced.'
Yoga, wonderful as it is (and I truly believe so), might have worked too well for me, as weird as it sounds. It brought so much balance to my spiritual life that I felt a deep-seated need to 'dirty things up.'
It's a weird thing to say, but I think I consciously decided to embrace a certain amount of anxiety, and even fear, in my day-to-day life. Maybe I'm trying to emulate what David Deida would call 'to lean just beyond the edge and into the fear of not living my life fully.' I let a healthy amount of anxiety and self-doubt (if there's ever such a thing) drive me to perfect my craft in whatever I'm currently focusing on.
I’m not saying that yoga practitioners become sterile or so enlightened that they're out of touch with the world. I know plenty who remain raw, genuine, and wonderfully human despite yoga being their core practice. But I remembered yoga making me feel plenty balanced, clean, maybe a bit too peaceful, and in turn, less ambitious. I don't find that version of myself interesting.
In my mind, it’s like how people get tired of digital audio and digital photography. They seek out the fuzziness, randomness, imperfections, quirks, flaws in analog equipments. These imperfections give art a character that's lacking in the overly perfect digital realm.
I still take care of myself physically and spiritually through other activities I enjoy. But yoga, for me, is maybe too effective at 'healing' and bringing back 'balance.' I consciously choose the alternative route for self-care, even if it means living a life that's more 'unbalanced.'
This unbalanced mode of life seems richer in character.