I’ve always been “the new guy”. My dad was a Navy Officer, so we moved a lot in Chile.

New schools, new cities, new chances. I had to start over pretty much every two years. Make friends, never talk again but some stayed, repeat. That gave me a weird mix of skills. I always wanted to settle somewhere. Spoiler alert: I never did.

I went on an exchange program, traveled plenty, emigrated to Europe, and now I’m thinking what my life is going to look like 2 years from now.

People ask me how to make friends. It’s a common question in my age group. Everyone wants deeper connections, but can’t look up from their phones.

It takes effort. The “out of your comfort zone” kind, not the “follow me, follow back” one. The real-life approaching to people, awkward silences (only if you let them be), and no show-ups kind.

When I moved to Spain, I had a backpack and a hostel reservation. Deleted Instagram so I could have no distractions. Day four hit me with loneliness hard. I could’ve stayed in bed, worked more, and pretended I was fine.

Instead, I walked up to the terrace at 11pm on a Wednesday hoping someone would be there. One guy was and we talked. Ramadan was over for him so we went for kebabs and had cool getting to know each other conversations for the rest of our stay. 1 year later and I still get a Kebab with him when I go to Barcelona.

My playbook is simple but not easy:

The trick to getting the good ones is to know yourself first. If you’re not into parties, don’t force them. If your hobbies are watching Netflix and refreshing Instagram, then maybe start by fixing that first.

Picture the kind of friend you want. Now become that person. That’s who your people are looking for too.

Not tomorrow, not in a better city, not when you feel more confident.

Go to that Terrace. Now.

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Thanks Jason Fried for teaching me this style of writing! Check his blog here.