Some of you are people pleasers. A survey shows about 50% of Americans identify themselves as people pleasers. Truth to be told, I am one of them. And in my early days, I was a people pleaser to a problematic extent. My people pleasing behaviors were not helping me develop my own values. It was not good.

Some decades passed. I am now in a profession that helps people make progress through building products. Do you know how challenging it is for a people pleaser like me to become such a professional?

In order to “help people make progress” we need to identify what the progress is. It’s easy to say, but is extremely hard. People are in certain circumstances, but want to get somewhere somehow. We need to understand what their circumstances are. We also need to be able to identify where they would ultimately like to be. Those two define their progress.

They say “I want this,” “I need that,” or “I like it.” Those this-or-that-or-it are, more often than not, not exactly where they want to be. They are indications of their struggles in their current circumstances or they want to get out of the circumstances by hiring those. But those are not necessarily their ultimate goal. It is critical that we as a professional understand those goals. Otherwise, we cannot offer something that helps them go from A to B. Without knowing A and B, how could we understand if they can get there by hiring this-or-that-or-it.

People pleasers take this-or-that-or-it granted and they tend to try to make all of them happen. It’s because we want to say yes to please people. We end up failing to help people make progress if this-or-that-or-it actually doesn’t make them get to the destination B. Sometimes, it requires us to say no to this-or-that-or-it. This is hard for people pleasers.

A true professional, in my opinion, is one who can identify A and B, and identify a way to find or create a bridge between A and B. Even if you are not a people pleaser, it is really difficult to become one. It has taken me tough training to become one. I would like to continue to be one of the true professionals.