Lila Tace

July 10, 2024

On abandonment.

When I was little, my father abruptly drove off after my parents had a fight.
I ran after the car and demanded he return to me. He didn't see me. He left.
I went back to the house and cried myself to sleep. I wasn't the reason he left. I didn't know that.

Growing up, people abruptly abandoned me. That made me feel: totally helpless.
I blamed the world; I blamed the people.
I almost got married, but he left. Mum fell ill and passed. I lost all my money. That twice.
The world was at fault.

Now, my partner might leave the country. I feel... you guessed it: utterly helpless.
But today, I looked again.

Mum and Dad were my everything. My soul identified with these two people. They were my extensions. When father left, I left too. When Mum passed, part of me died with her. I forgot to recollect myself. I lost myself to people and circumstances and fed them with emotions of anxiety and worry. Worry that happiness is taken abruptly, and I feel: shit.

But today, that changed.

No one can abandon me.
No one can abandon me but me.

And if that's true, I may recollect the pieces that I myself scattered like Horcruxes in the world of images. Long way home. But I'm walking in responsibility alone.

About Lila Tace

I am a singer-songwriter and author. My work aims to awaken hearts so that those hearts may awaken the world. Art is a window to God and I am committed to opening a lot of windows! 🪟🪟

Songs, Books, Website