I've been really confused for a long time in my life. It mostly stems from trauma that's muddied my thinking and eroded my self-belief and trust in my own thoughts. I feel like I've reached the peak of it now.

I'd say we must trust our intuition. It knows more than just calculated thought. Trust our intuition and take calculated risks or experiments.

For context, I've been working with plant medicines for decades. I've experienced enlightenment. But I've also glimpsed the truth: my elders didn't love me as much as I loved them, and they've actually been working against me. The reasons stem from their own lineage trauma, ignorance, and even hate toward masculinity. It is what it is.

With all that wisdom, plus enjoying activities like playing guitar and working with plant medicines, I thought I should become a healer or shaman and open my own resort or retreat center. Many people do. Who wouldn't want to be admired as a man of wisdom and mysticism?

But whenever I thought about it, it just didn't resonate—until today. Today, I understood. I've realized that I'm good at reading energy and maintaining it; I've done the work. I'd like to grow my own cannabis and psilocybin mushrooms. I'd also love to serve rapé prepared by my Yawanawa tribe brother, Peu. And I'd love to live off-grid in a jungle villa, growing my own produce.

But it shouldn't be my main source of income. It should be my hobby. Because I've seen through my mentors—it was their bread and butter, and it wasn't 100% pure. So maybe in 10 years. For now, I'm equally excited about code, business, programming, and building. When I listened to DHH and Lex Fridman talk about Ruby code today, I honestly felt something in my gut. I felt like it was the way forward. I had an opening in my neck—something cracked open and made me feel lighter.

So, upward and onward.