I stuck to my promise from an earlier entry. 

Most of us share our highs and hide our lows. Some of us don't have a problem sharing our lows. 

For me, the complete lack of eating discipline is now starting to break down my life. 

When I was younger, I was always able to kind of run, do crossfit, and be a high performing heavy guy. I never really worried about weight, but it did bother me slightly. Clearly not enough to say no to eating 6 panera cookies in one drive home from surfing.

Two nights ago I had a nightmare so real, that it made me question myself. In the dream, I was getting a ride in a brand new Cybertruck. The driver was driving too fast and an accident straight out of Final Destination played before my eyes. The vehicle rolled and tumbled through the air like a movie, narrowly missing many vehicles and then ended in a head on collision with a mack truck. The very next moment, I'm talking to my brother and saying, "I can't believe I made it." My brother proceeds to tell me that I didn't make it, and I died. 

In that dream, all of the things I left undone flashed before me. 

Then I woke up. 

Lately, I know I've been mashing food. From eating too many Panera cookies, to crushing pints of ice cream, to all you can eat sushi and possibly eating enough to feed a village, gluttony is who I am. It's undeniable at this point. 

Saying I want to lose weight is so hollow. Reality is we are what we do, and I over eat. I eat everything in complete excess. 

This is absolutely counter to my #1 goal, which is surf until I die. 

There are only a few things I have to do to help me surf until I die: 

But herein lies the rub... in order to surf until I'm old, I have to live until I'm old. In order to make it easier to paddle and pop, I'd be better off lighter, not heavier. 

I have mastered adding exercise daily. I have mastered investing money towards cash flowing assets to provide myself enough income in older age to surf. 

I have failed to master eating. 

What I have learned is I am very good at adding things to help me reach my goals. What I'm not good at is taking things away to reach my goals. There is only one thing that will help me reach my lighter body weight goal, and that's to stop eating so much. This isn't about having a six pack or abs for that matter. This is about carrying too much body fat that is dragging me down. 

Each night I sleep I can literally feel my heart beating so hard. I know it's working overtime. That has to stop. I need it to chill for the next 10 years so it can give me strength until I'm 70.

I've tried so many things that have failed, so I need a new way to reset. 

Things I know:

I have fitness covered. Therefore, there's no longer a reason to track it. 

The only thing I need to track: 

I've renamed my tracker to be heavy on goals. I need to see this daily.

You can follow along here.

My name is Albert and I failed myself today. There's only one thing left to do. Win tomorrow. 

270.8lbs at night. Now that's fat.